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Self-Help on Life

I Love Emotional Intelligence, How About You?

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What is emotional intelligence? Mental Health America defines emotional intelligence as the ability to manage your emotions and understand the emotions of others. You can increase your emotional intelligence by reading non-fiction books, writing in a journal, and self-reflecting.

Read Non-Fiction Books

Reading is fundamental. The more you read, the more you grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Yes, you can read fiction books too. However, non-fiction books, such as self-help books, or biographies, can give you insights that will lead to personal growth. If you do not like reading books, listen to audiobooks or podcasts instead. If you want to improve your life, reading is a solid way to do this.

Journal

Journaling is cathartic and a way to release all of your thoughts and feelings on paper. If you would like to journal daily that would be wonderful, but you do not have to journal daily. I journal whenever, but I can still refer back to old journal entries from years ago and reflect. Go back and read your past journal entries to see how much you have grown overtime during difficult times. As long as you are better than the person you were yesterday, you are doing well my friend.

Self-Reflect

Consistently self-reflect when things are going well and when things are crashing down. If you compare yourself to the person that you used to be, you will be able to measure your personal growth overall. Therapy, reading self-help books and journaling have given me the gift of self-awareness. Self-awareness is a powerful tool to aid yourself, become fully present, and empathetic to those around you.

Conclusion

So, increasing your emotional intelligence can make you more empathetic, more self-aware, and more authentic. When you do the inner work, you can truly be a light for everyone else around you. In conclusion, reading non-fiction books, journaling, and self-reflecting will give you the steps to developing your true authentic self.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842

Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins: https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hurt-Me-Master-Your/dp/1544512287

Happiness for Humankind Playbook by Aymee Coget: https://www.amazon.com/HAPPINESS-HUMANKIND-PLAYBOOK-Sustainable-Happiness/dp/0578222019

John Bradshaw The Family Series https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjAw1M2thMk&list=PL4wA21d2cgvEoCnGkVBFG-RrQA-qGxaD-&index=1

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Uncategorized

How to Overcome Emotional Abuse in Your Life

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Emotional abuse causes a gradual erosion of a person’s self esteem, confidence, and self-worth. Low self-esteem and low self-worth create issues at school, work, and personal relationships well into adulthood. In order to begin overcoming emotional abuse, begin therapy, read self-help books, journal, acknowledge the abuse, and self-reflect regularly.

Begin Therapy

Therapy is beneficial for everyone and can be a great tool for personal growth in all areas of your life. Since growth takes time, you should attend therapy for an extended period of time. Furthermore, you may not click with every therapist so shop around. If someone is not a good fit for you, do not give up on therapy, just find a therapist that works for you.

Read Self-Help Books

Since 2013, I have read self-help books or personal development books. I read several books a year. Reading self-help books, along with therapy has aided in my healing from emotional abuse. Consider reading the following: Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker; Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins; How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie; The Art of Letting Go by Nick Trenton, What Happened to You by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry.

Journal

Journaling is cathartic and a way to release all of your thoughts and feelings on paper. If you would like to journal daily that would be wonderful, but you do not have to journal daily. I journal whenever, but I can still refer back to old journal entries from years ago and reflect. Go back and read your past journal entries to see how much you have grown overtime during difficult times. As long as you are better than the person you were yesterday, you are doing well my friend.

Acknowledge the Abuse

When I think of my childhood, there are mixed feelings for sure. My mother and stepfather provided a great life for me with a nice home, clothes, and plenty of food to eat. However, it has taken years to acknowledge that I lived in a verbally and emotionally abusive household from childhood until I moved to NYC in 2016.

Acknowledging the abuse does not mean that you cannot forgive your parents. It does not mean that your parents were not good people. I have forgiven my parents and I know that they tried the best that they could. However, the effects of living in that environment for 26 years has left it’s mark in signficant ways that are hard to ignore. The body really does keep the score and self-regulating is still a daily struggle.

The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel von der Kolk: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

Self-Reflect Regularly

My dear barbie, you have come along way. Consistently self-reflect when things are going well and when things are crashing down. If you compare yourself to the person that you used to be, you will be able to measure your personal growth overall. Therapy, reading self-help books and journaling have given me the gift of self-awareness. Self-awareness is a powerful tool to aid yourself, become fully present, and empathetic to those around you.

Conclusion

Adulthood is no joke and no one is fully equipped to take on this thing called life. But, if you endured verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, you will be disregulated as an adult. Until you work on healing, you will consistently self-sabotage in big ways or more subtle ways. A traumatized adult raises traumatized children unless they begin to heal. Lastly, therapy is not a judgment on your sanity, it is a tool that creates a better you so that you can show up in the world as a fully functioning adult.

https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626251700/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents/

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

Categories
Self-Help on Life

Best Options to Consider After High School

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High school graduation is super exciting, but can be extremely overwhelming too. If you are graduating high school soon, consider all of your options for life after graduation. College is a wonderful experience and adulthood on training wheels, but please consider all of your options. High School students can consider attending a trade school or university, join the workforce, become an entrepreneur, or join the military.

Attending a College or Trade School

If you know what you want to pursue, apply to a college or trade school based on what you want to do with your life. Trade school is more affordable and will give you a skill that makes you more competitive in the job market. If you know that your future career would require a degree, then please apply for as many scholarships as possible to avoid taking out student loans.

Join the Workforce

If you are unsure of what you want to do with your life, get a job and work for a year or two. Consider attending a community college while working your job or jobs. Joining the worksforce can be alarming especially if you have never had a job, but it teaches you responsibility and accountability. However, you are not given many chances to mess up at a job. If you are a no show or late all the time, you will be fired.

Become an Entreprenuer

If you have a specific skill or service that you would like to offer, start a business while you are in high school. You can get a part-time job to cover expenses to start your business if needed. Begin marketing your services to your community and hone your skills to provide high quality service. If you are about to graduate soon, take steps now so that you can make an income as soon as possible. Now, if you decide to have your own business after high school, you must be a self-starter, who is organized and has excellent time management skills.

Join the Military

The military pays for your college expenses, which is one of the biggest plus when considering this option. If you do not know what you want to do, joining the military is a great way to gain some discipline and responsibility skills that will be lifelong assets in whatever career that you end up choosing. You will need to get in great physical shape and pass the ASVAB test. Lastly, if you have any pre-existing medical issues, you will not pass the medical exam. The medical exam is extremely extensive and you will be eliminated for any medical issues.

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://www.navy.com/joining/requirements

Categories
Self-Help on Life

How to Choose a College as a Black Student

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Are you a Black high school student looking to go to college soon? If so, here are some tips to consider when thinking about college options. Consider affordability of the college, go on college visits, do your research, and think about the pros and cons of attending a Predominantly White Institution (PWI) or a Historically Black College University (HBCU).

Affordability

If you can avoid it, please do not take out student loans. Student loans can become a prison sentence that can last until your forties or fifties. When searching for universities, consider the affordability. If the tuition is too high, try to find a cheaper school that offers similar benefits. Unless you are looking to go to an Ivy League school for a specific career, it does not matter where you go to school as long as you graduate with a degree.

Go On College Visits

If you are interested in applying to a college, do yourself a favor and visit the college or university. When you visit a school, you can get a feel for what attending the school might be like. I did not visit any of the colleges before I chose my university. Visiting will help you choose a school that is a good fit for you academically and socially.

Do Your Research

Research possible majors, minors, and universities. What lifestyle would you like to have in the future? Talk to your guidance counselors as well as people that you know who have attended college. Think outside of the box when considering a major. At some schools, you can create your own independent study major. Explore your interests as much as you can during your time in high school. This can give you a better idea of your natural strengths and weaknesses to give you clues to what major you might want to study.

Consider Pros & Cons of PWIs & HBCUs

I did not apply to any HBCUs, however I would suggest that black students apply for both HBCUs and PWIs. If you attend an HBCU, you will gain a better community post college. Your four years of college greatly effect your post college life more than you realize both socially and career wise. If you attend an HBCU, you will have professors, colleagues, and friends that will understand your life experience in a deeper way that is indescribable.

PWIs give you a chance to learn more about people who are different from you. It will be more like what the workplace would look like in the real world. If you decide to go to a PWI, connect with the black students as well as the white students. More than likely, your relationships with the black students are more likely to sustain past college and you may even find your potential mate.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://learn.org/articles/hbcu_vs_pwi.html

Categories
Self-Help on Life

How to Take Charge of Your Life

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This past year was truly a test. I went through three teacher assistant positions in less than a year. For the past five years, I have been trying to work in education so that I could have some stability, but it has caused more harm than good in my life. In 2025, I am taking charge of my life and putting 100 percent toward my singing and acting career. Yes, I have been a consistent part-time performer and occassional full-time performer since 2013, but I have never gone full throttle. In order to take charge of your life, make a S.M.A.R.T plan, give 100 percent effort, take action, and commit.

Make a S.M.A.R.T Plan

If you do not have a plan, you will not reach your goals. Create a plan that is SMART, specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and timely. When your goals are not attainable or if you give yourself a rigid timeline, this can lead to you getting discouraged with yourself. Push yourself, but be realistic as well.

Give 100% Effort

Ask yourself, “Have I given my best effort toward my goal?” There is no question that I work hard, but have I been giving 100 percent in my performance career? The honest answer is “No.” I have not been as committed as I could have been the past 12 years. When you figure out your purpose, go all in. Do not work half-heartedly when you are called for a purpose that can also help other people too.

Take Action

You have a plan, now take action. This is probably why most people do not accomplish their goals. Either people are taking little to no action at all or taking actions that are not in alignment with the goals they have set. This requires some discipline so I would suggest reading Atomic Habits by Jame Clear in order to begin new habits that will change your life.

https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits

COMMIT

Confidence comes when you do what you say you will do. Most of the time, I do what I say I will do, but if I were more consistent, my self-esteem and self-respect would be higher. When you make a decision commit to the decision and make it apart of your identity. You are now a person who only engages in certain behaviors and does not engage in other behaviors. You decide what those behaviors will be, but when you do decide, you must COMMIT.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

Categories
Self-Help on Life Uncategorized

Overcoming Being Black in the Performing Arts

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Since 2013, I have performed professionally in musicals, operas, a choral tour, and television and film projects. If you decide to pursue a career in the arts, you will have some serious challenges. However, there are some difficulties that are specific to black performers. In order to overcome this, find community with black artists, enhance your assets and strengths, do no compare yourself to your white peers, and find multiple streams of income.

Find Community with Black Artists

A community is essential no matter what profession that you choose in life. However, as a black artist, it is essential to find black artists who can relate to you and your career in the arts. I found most of my community of black artists through The Color Purple cast at Playhouse on the Square in Memphis. We have maintained consistent contact and have helped each other through some difficult times. Black artists relate to your struggles and can give advice about how to handle the adversity in the industry.

Learn Your Assets & Strengths

You are your best advocate in your career. Learn your assets and strengths and what makes you unique. Take lessons and classes consistently to thoroughly enhance those skills. For years, I took dance classes, when I could have focused more on taking vocal lessons or acting classes instead and would have booked higher paying jobs.

Avoid Comparison with Your White Peers

White performers have their own struggles as well and work their behinds off in their performance careers. But, your white peers will probably have more fruit earlier in their careers than you. This does not mean that you are doing the wrong career, it just means that you have to be patient and persistent. Black performers, especially black actresses tend to bloom later in their careers. Examples include Angela Bassett, Taraji P. Henson, Esther Rolle, Sheryl Lee Ralph, and so many others. As a late bloomer, you will have more of an appreciation when you do reach certain milestones than you might have had if you were younger.

Find Mulitple Streams on Income

If you decide to pursue a performance career, you will consistently be out of work. This means that you need to find multiple streams of income in order to support yourself when you are not booking performing work. Find side hustles such as tutoring, babysitting, teaching, blogging or vlogging, podcasting, etc. Need a side hustle; check out some of these ideas: https://sidehustleschool.com/ideas/

Conclusion

My journey in the arts has been a rewarding and unpredictable experience. There have been so many highs and lows and it can be discouraging. My community of black artists have been my rock through everything with emotional support and wise advice. Multiple streams of income have kept my bills paid and my gift of song has opened up so many doors for me that I am truly grateful for. My white peers work extremely hard to get where they are, but I cannot continue to compare my career trajectory to them because it is unrealistic. Break legs in your performing arts career! You Got This!

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

Categories
Health

How to Deal With A Food Addiction

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I had maintained a healthy weight most of my life, but my thirties have been a different story. Remaining thin does not equal healthy eating. I am the prime example of that. My relationship with food has always been unhealthy. I viewed it as a comfort, a friend, and a stress reliever. However, I have made more progress with my food challenges the last few years, and I hope to reach my goal weight by February or March. When dealing with a food addiction, log your Meals, plan all of your meals, get some physical activity daily and give yourself grace.

Log Your Meals

Keeping a food diary can be key to long term weight loss. When you are addicted to food, you overeat without realizing it. So use a journal or notebook to log every single thing that you eat every day. The best way to log meals and excercise is to use the My Fitness Pal app or website. My Fitness Pal is the easiest way to log your meals because it can give you the most accurate calorie readings for almost anything that you eat no matter where you eat.

https://www.myfitnesspal.com/

Cancel Food Delivery Services

If you are addicted to food, using doordash, ubereats, or grubhub can tempt you to overeat more frequently. Deleting them will make it harder for you to access high calorie foods more frequently. When you do go out to eat, walk or drive to go get the food. This decision will make it more likely that you will eat at home more often and eat out less. But if you want to keep these services, you can limit how much you will use them.

Get Some Physical Activity Daily

You have to move your body regularly whether you want to maintain or lose weight. I walk almost everyday and this has helped me lose weight. If you want to go to the gym to tone up, great, but walking is quite effective. I combined the walking with logging my meals consistently and the weight came off. However, be patient if you only choose to walk. If you want quicker weight loss results, the gym may be the way to go.

Give Yourself Grace

If you have a food addiction, do not be discouraged. You can do this. Make small changes and you will see results. The results just may not be as quick as you thought. If you mess up on your daily calories, just reset the next day. Be Patient with yourself! Weight loss does take time and may take longer than you anticipate. Read Atomic Habits by James Clear to help on your weight loss journey.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://www.noom.com/lose-weight/

Categories
Self-Help on Life

How to Navigate Adversity in Life

William Arthur Ward - Adversity causes some men to break;...

My thirties have been a bit more challenging than I had anticipated. In my twenties, I was less confident, but I felt less jaded for sure. The last five years have been a world wind for me personally and professionally. The highs and lows have been significant. We will all have adversity in life. It is not the adversity that is the problem, it is how you handle it. Feel your feelings, pivot, problem solve, and find a support system.

Feel Your Feelings

When life hits you with Adversity, it will suck. You will feel like the world is on top of you. Feel those difficult feelings, cry, get angry, be frustrated for as long as you need to. Ignoring your feelings is not healthy and will manifest itself in other ways if you do not deal with them. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad or angry. But, you cannot take out your frustration on other people.

Pivot/Problem Solve

While you feel your feelings, come up with possible solutions to your problems. If you cannot do this until your feelings have resolved, then complete the problem solving after you have dealt with your difficult emotions. When I lost my job, I felt my feelings while I began applying for more jobs. This strategy may not work for everyone though and that is okay.

Find A Support System

This was one of the most challenging things for me personally. Adulthood can be quite lonely and isolating at times. Remember your past interests or begin connecting with people with your current interests. Join a church and get involved with other young adults in various ministries. If you are not religious, find other common interests with people through your favorite activities.

Secondly, if you would like to begin dating, try logging on to a dating app for 10-15 minutes a day. Being single is not for the faint of heart. It does become more diffcult to maintain friendships with friends when they get married or have families. No pressure to date if you do not want to, but it can help you have a more consistent support system. Life is hard, but you got this so stay encouraged through the adversity.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNMjgYEX36Y

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://bumble.com/

How do you handle adversity? Comment below!

Categories
Work & Jobs

How to Obtain 33 Jobs in 17 Years Coda

Tribeca Rooftop | Wedding Venues | Cost, Reviews & Photos | Zola
Tribeca Rooftop & 360

As a professional singer and actor, I have had a total of 33 jobs in 17 years. Did I plan on having 33 jobs in 17 years? Of course not, but life has been a crazy wild ride. I had several plans, but things did not always go according to planned. I have worked at least 3 jobs or more simultaneously in addition to performing over the years.

Social Media tends to only show the highlights, but this has been my reality in-between my highlight reel. I have three separate resumes: a performance resume, a teaching resume, and a customer service resume. Since 2014, I have held multiple part-time jobs. When I began this series in April, I had 33 jobs and now I have had 35 jobs in 17 Years. Life is full of surprises.

High School College Years

I had 7 jobs before I graduated college. These were part-time jobs. Some of these jobs were only short-term contracts.

1. GHS-TV Intern- Summer 2007

2.Ryan’s- Server- Summer 2008

3.Winslow Diing Hall- Fall 2009

4. First United Methodist Chancel Choir Singer; 2010-2011

5. Campus Pizza- 2011-2012

6. Camp Thunderbird- Assistant Office Manager; Summer 2012

7. Murray State News- Features Writer; Fall 2012

Memphis Post College 2013-2016

I have always wanted to perform, however, you have to make an income when you are in-between acting or singing jobs. So, this was how I sustained myself during those times in Memphis. This is a harsh reality of being a single person pursing a career in the arts.

8. AFLAC- Insurance Sales Agent- March- July 2013

9. Singer/Actor- 2013- Present

10. Network Marketing (Organo Gold, Mary Kay, Total Life Changes) 2013-2015

11. Beautiful Melodies- Voice Teacher 2013-2016

12. St. George’s Independent School- Assistant Musical Director- Sept. 2013-May 2015

13. Cracker Barrel Old Country Store & Restaurant; Cashier; March 2014- August 2016

14. Florida-Kansas Elementary & Hickory Ridge Elementary- August-September 2014

15. Playhouse on the Square- After-school Theatre Teacher- Fall 2015

16. Lamplighter Montessori- Music Teacher Sept. 2014-May 2015

17. Olive Garden- To Go Server; January 2016-August 2016

NYC YEARS 2016-Present

In 12 years, I can not seem to get a full-time job unless it is in the field of education or customer service, or performing. Education pays better, but I hate working as a full-time lead teacher. I prefer customer service, but the pay is not enough or consistent enough to make a living.

18. Disney Store- Cast Member- Sept. 2016-February 2017

19.Trader Joe’s- Crew Member February 2017- July 2019

20. Cambly- Teaching English Online- 2019-present

21. Coalition for Hispanic Family Services- After-school Teaching Artist 2021-2023

22. Jazz at Lincoln Center; Usher; February 2020-October 2022

23. Achievement First Crown Heights Elementary- Teacher in Residence-July 2020-June 2021

24. Pixie Pods- Assistant Zumbini Instructor- 2021

25. Catapult Learning- Summer Journey Teacher: Summer 2021,2022, 2023

26. Elm Community Charter School-3rd Grade Teacher August-December 2021

27. P.S. 202- 5th Grade Teacher December 2021-February 2022

28. Amerivents- Banquet Server- June 2022-Present

29. Cipriani- Banquet Server- December 2022-December 2023

30. Democracy Prep: Bronx Prep Middle School 6th Grade Teacher- February 2023-April 2023

31. Tea Around Town Bus Server/Singer-December 2023-January 2024

32. Birch Family Services- Part-time Floater Teacher Assistant- January 2024-March 2024

33. East River Child Development Center- Teacher Assistant March 2024- September 2024

PS 33 PTA
P.S. 33 Chelsea Prep

Conclusion

34. P.S. 33 Chelsea Prep- October 2024-Present

35. Tribeca Rooftop + 360- Banquet Server- September 2024-Present

Recently, I got a job at P.S. 33 and Tribeca Rooftop + 360. Currently, I am a singer and actor, teach English online for Cambly, work as a teacher assistant at P.S. 33 Chelsea Prep, and work as a banquet server for Amerivents and Tribeca Rooftop 360.

If you ever feel like you are behind in life, just stop comparing yourself to others because you have no idea what the other side of their life looks like. Through the grace of God, I have been very blessed, but also quite stressed too. I deal with it the best that I can. Stay encouraged!

Hope this helps!

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://www.ps33chelseaprep.org/

https://tribecarooftopnyc.com/

Categories
Work & Jobs

How to Obtain 33 Jobs in 17 Years (33)

About Our School – East River Child Development Center

As a professional singer and actor, I have had a total of 33 jobs in 17 years. I have worked at least 3 jobs or more simultaneously in addition to performing over the years. Each week, I will discuss one of my former or current jobs. My thirty-third job was teacher assistant at East River Child Development Center. I held this job while I began writing this series of How to Obtain 33 Jobs in 17 Years and was quiet fired/resigned on September 4th 2024. It was pretty devastating and I am still processing it.

Getting the Job

Once I attended an austism workshop, I learned that I wanted needed more training to work with students with special needs. I began applying for other jobs and got an interview for East River on zoom. When I went in person, I was shown one of the classes that I would end up working with for four months. This class had mostly verbal students and the students acknowledged the other students. I was shocked at this because at Birch, almost all of the students were non verbal and rarely made eye contact or noticed other children in the room.

Experience

I was hired as a part-time floater teacher assistant, but was assigned to the same class for three weeks. I enjoyed being with that class the most because I really like the lead teacher. The teacher assistants in the class were very welcoming and it felt like a team. However, after three weeks, I was moved to the another class. This class was the class that I remembered from my interview.

Promotion with Strings

Then, I was promoted from part-time floater to full-time teacher assistant with a salary. I was so excited because I would be making a salary. But, I was immediately asked about becoming a teacher for the fall. This was not what I had anticipated. I had only been there a month. I applied for certification to teach early childhood, but realized that I wanted to remain a teacher assistant. The director said she understood my decision.

My Second Class

The students in the second class were more verbal, but most of the class was graduating in a few months. I came into the class April 9th and the students were graduating June 20th. Most of the students stayed for the summer program that ended August 9th. Building relationship with autistic students takes long time.

It was an adjustment to be in a new class. Each class had one lead teacher and three teacher assistants. This is a lot of new people to adjust to in any work environment, especially when working with students with special needs. The lead teacher was quiet, but a very strong teacher with the students. I learned so much from her and I think that she is truly called to work with students with special needs.

Issues

The director was always moving the students around to different classes. The students had built relationship with their teacher and then she would move them to another class a few months later. All students need consistency and there was very little of that at this school. When I returned from summer break on September 3rd, I was moved to a new classroom across the street as a para with a new student.

It was the student’s first day of school ever. The teacher assistant and the teacher were frustrated with the new student and me because I was not as aggressive as they were being with the student. I did not want to resort to that just because I was undertrained. There was never any formal training for me at this school.

Quiet Firing/ Resignation

On the second day with the student, I was a bit overwhelmed because the adults in the room were so reactive and I was used to being in a room where the teacher was not a reactive for the past four months. The director pressures me to resign at the end of the day. For about an hour she and I go back and forth about this and finally I give in and resign. This was all she wanted.

She had a goal when she called me in and she got what she wanted. Honestly, I thought that she was such a nice person, but when I really think about it, there were red flags. I just ignored them because I wanted to only see the good. This was devastating and it has taken me awhile to forgive her and the owner. It is still a work in progress. I loved the students and I tried my very best.

https://eastrivercdc.org/

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/