Categories
Self-Help on Life

How to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone

2026 is the year of getting out of my comfort zone. I have gone to open mic nights, got on a dating app, gone to church gatherings, began taking a The Success Breakthrough Workshop with Wendy Braun, taking vocal coachings, and an acting class with the Barrow Group. Honestly, staying at home can be so much easier than going out, but in order to get out of your comfort zone, you can travel, take a class or volunteer, or move to a new city or state.

Travel

If you have the money, get a passport and go visit a different country or go on a cruise ship. If you do not have the money, take a job that will pay you to travel. Work on a cruise ship, teach in a different country, or drive a truck for a company that pays you to travel. Furthermore, the United States is extremely vast and there is plenty to see in other parts of the country. The West Coast looks like a different world compared to the Mid-west, the East Coast or the South. All 5 regions are completely different in climate and appearance so visit them all if you can not travel abroad.

Take a Class or Volunteer

You can volunteer at a pet shelter, or church, or charitable organization. Take an art class, an acting class, a dance class to get out of your daily routine. When I was on the cruise ship, I met a woman who fell in love with ballroom dance classes after she went to a class years ago. Hobbies and activities and volunteering can give you an outlet outside of work and family life.

Move to a Different City or State

If you want to get out of your comfort zone, consider moving to a new city or state. Obviously, this will take some significant planning in order to execute, but it can be rewarding. When you get out of your hometown or home state, you will grow exponentially.

Yes, you will have to create a new community, but this is where the real growth comes in. When you stay in the same place our entire life, it does not challenge you. You can always move back home, but a little time away, even just a few years can make a huge difference in your personal growth.

Conclusion

If you are feeling stuck, try to get out of your comfort zone and change up the scenery a little bit, either temporarily or permanently. You can travel to new places, take a class or volunteer, or move to a new city or state. Lastly, if you come from a dysfunctional family, moving to a new environment can do wonders for your mental health in the long term.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Chicken Soup for the Soul: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Chicken-Soup-for-the-Soul-Get-Out-of-Your-Comfort-Zone/Amy-Newmark/9781611591033

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/

Categories
Self-Help on Life

How to Find Joy in the Darkness

Have you felt a heaviness that will not subside? Do you feel unmotivated or chronically tired? If yes, you may have had a hard time finding joy, meaning, or purpose in your life. Honestly, I have experienced a significant lack of joy in the last few years. Over the years I have been in survival mode most of the time, which caused emotional and mental exhaustion. Within the last month, I have begun to find the inklings of joy again. In order to find joy in your life, work on your spiritual life, find community in multiple avenues, and invest in yourself.

Work on Your Spiritual Life

What do you believe in? Do you know? If you know, lean into your spiritual beliefs to be honest about how you are feeling. Name your insecurities, fears, and say them out loud. If you do not know your spiritual beliefs, then work on figuring it out. Often times, we ignore the spiritual life, especially when we are in survival mode. Your spiritual life is your solid foundation and window to tapping into a more joyful life.

Find Community in Multiple Avenues

Community is essential for connection. You cannot do everything by yourself and be a one man band. Join organizations in your community, church, work, or go to social gatherings to meet new people with common interests. You never know who you will meet and what impact they may have on your life. You never know what significance you can bring to the lives of others. Surrounding yourself with a support system will bring more joy into your life.

Invest in Yourself

You are worthy and worth the price of the class or the seminar or the event that will influence your life in a positive way. These events, classes, and seminars also give you a network of people that can be a support to you as well. It is not easy to invest in yourself, especially financially. Personally, I have been putting off investing in myself for years out of fear and survival mode. If you invest in yourself now, you will eventually see the fruit of your investment. Most importantly, be patient when you invest in yourself, it is not a race to the finish line.

Conclusion

Sheinelle Jones from the Today Show says that she fights for her joy everyday since she lost her husband in May of last year. Maybe you have not lost someone, but you feel a heaviness within that will not go away. You can fight for your joy too.

If you are in a dark place, do not isolate. It is tempting and comfortable to isolate, but it will not bring you joy. It is okay to make time for yourself and take care of your needs. Listen to your body, however, isolating is completely different than taking care of your needs. In order to begin your journey of fighting for your joy, plug into your spiritual life, find community through multiple avenues, and invest in yourself because you are worth it.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough to Ending Negative Behavior and Feel Great Again: https://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthrough-Negative/dp/0452272041

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-begin-loving-yourself-fully/

Categories
Self-Help on Life

How to Overcome People-Pleasing

Do you apologize too often? Do you seek approval and validation from others? If yes, you just might be a people-pleaser. People-pleasing seems like a great way to gain acceptance. But, it does not help you gain deeper connections in the long run.

When you are too agreeable, you are not being completely honest. You are abandoning yourself everytime you people-please. If you would like to overcome people pleasing, communicate your needs in the moment, let go of guilt, and seek safe spaces.

Communicate Your Needs in the Moment

It is okay to take up space with your friends, your family and in the workplace. Speak up when something bothers you in the moment. If you wait for the moment to pass, it will become harder to say anything.

When you feel uncomfortable in the moment, say something, do not ignore it. As a people pleaser, this will not feel natural at all so you will have to fight against the urge to stay silent. Sometimes staying silent is appropriate, but challenge yourself to speak up in the moment.

Let Go of Guilt

Did you know that you can say “No”? You can say ‘No’, and you do not have to overexplain. No is a complete sentence. If you are not accustomed to saying this, you will feel guilty. Let the guilt go, you can not say ‘yes’, to everything. It is not healthy.

People will have things to say regardless of if you do what you want or if you do what others want. Everyone will have something to say about any decision that you make rather positive or negative. If people are displeased with you, congratulations you may have began to overcome your people pleasing! Let go of the guilt!

Seek Safe Spaces

Find a community of people where you feel safe emotionally. Safety is not always about if you feel like you are in danger physically. If you feel safe emotionally with people, you can work on ironing out your people-pleasing tendencies. If you can work on these skills in a safe space, then you can transfer those skills to other situations and circumstances.

Conclusion

Last year, I read People Pleaser by Jinger Duggar Vuolo and it opened my eyes to how lonely and isolating people-pleasing can become. As a people-pleaser, you are not being completely honest and you feel like you have to show a facade all the time. However, you can people-please in a positive way too as long as your motives are honorable.

“People pleasing from a healthy place puts the other person’s needs first instead of my selfish need for approval. When I serve from a servant’s heart, I am a healthy people-pleaser, but when I have selfish motives, I am people-pleasing in an unhealthy way.” -Jinger Duggar Vuolo

Most of us are seeking validation to gain love and acceptance. Try to check-in with yourself about your why when you decide to take on a new project or task. Lastly, if you do not like how someone is speaking to you say something immediately. You deserve to be respected too. Remember that you matter too! Remember you are worthy.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Vuolo, J. D., & Carr, J. L. (2024). People pleaser: Breaking free from the burden of imaginary expectations. Thomas Nelson

The Psychology of People Pleasers: https://psychcentral.com/health/the-need-to-please-the-psychology-of-people-pleasing

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-begin-taking-up-space-in-the-world/

Categories
Self-Help on Life

How to Date as a Late Bloomer in 2025

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Dating in my adult life has been minimal. At 35 years old, I am a late bloomer in the dating world. Within the last few months, I have learned that dating takes work. I have been a bit lazy about dating in general. If you want to date, you have to invest significant TIME to date. Who knew, this was news to me, lol!

Since I have been at the bottom of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs my entire adulthood, I have not had the capacity to give much energy to dating. Also, I want to connect with someone emotionally and spiritually first and foremost before physical attraction and have not found this person yet. So, if you are a late bloomer in the current dating world, seek out fellow late bloomers, make time for dating, and give yourself grace.

Seek Out Fellow “Late Bloomers”

Being a late bloomer is more common than people think. It is just not advertised as much. Fellow late bloomers will understand what you are going through. Dating is like driving a car. The older you are when you learn to drive, the more anxiety you will have about driving. The same is true for dating.

What seems so fun and simple to everyone around you in your age group, is not that simple for you. Married people and experienced daters may not remember how difficult dating was for them at one time. They may not understand the intense anxiety you are feeling. Fellow late bloomers will empathize and understand your apprehension and can give you advice that is more helpful.

Make Time For Dating

Making time for dating was a blind spot for me personally. I had no idea how much time you needed to invest in dating. No wonder I have never had a relationship or gone on many dates because I have been at the bottom of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Safety needs have been my primary concern during my adult life.

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Pyramid

Furthermore, late bloomers have a tendency to run from anything out of your comfort zone. You have little to no dating experience so you are scared to date. People do not approach you often in public to ask you out so the opportunity to date has been limited for you. So, begin using a dating app consistently for 10-15 minutes a day. The key word is consistency!

In the past, I would download an app and delete it within a few days or weeks. But, if you use an app, you need to be consistent about using it. Realize that it takes a long time to find someone on an app. It could take a year or longer to find a long-term partner on an app, even with consistency. Lastly, challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone by having fun on your dates.

Give Yourself Grace

If dating is new, you may be striving for perfection. Be patient with yourself. Realize that anxiety while dating is normal. You will mess up and that is okay. Dating can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding. Find yourself, heal yourself, and begin showing the best of yourself within a new relationship or friendship.

Healing takes time so please be patient with yourself. If you think you need more time to heal, just date to meet new people. See what happens before getting into a serious relationship. Remember there is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Certain life circumstances and situations create late bloomers. This does not mean there is anything wrong with you. You are amazing, please remember that!

the-efflorescence-of-a-late-bloomer

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://www.amazon.com/5-Love-Languages-Singles/dp/0802411401

Are you a late bloomer? If not, do you have advice for late bloomers? Comment below!

Categories
New York City Life

How to Survive in New York City

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If you can make it in New York City, you really can make it anywhere. NYC is not for the faint of heart and tests even the strongest people. Living here is a grind, but it teaches you so much and gives you resilience. So, if you want to make NYC your new home, make a plan, consider your job options, and learn to live a minimalist lifestyle to succeed in the Big Apple.

Make a Plan

If you want to move to NYC, begin planning for the move at least one year in advance. Save between $3000 to $5000 so that you can put down a deposit for an apartment and have money leftover until you find a job. So, $3,000 is the minimum amount you would need to bring here. Yes, rent is high! But you have to put down about $2,000 or more just to move in to an apartment, even with roommates.

Do you want to live in Manhattan, Queens, the Bronx, or Brooklyn? Research the neigbhorhoods in those boroughs. In NYC, people dicuss neighborhoods instead of street names, so you want to famaliarize yourself with the different neighborhoods. Also, brainstorm the types of jobs that you want to apply for once you move here. If you want to work at a restaurant here, YOU MUST HAVE PRIOR EXPERIENCE.

Best Neigborhoods in Brooklyn: https://www.prevu.com/blog/best-neighborhoods-in-brooklyn

Consider Your Job Options

NYC employers are not going to hire people living in another state unless it is a work transfer. When you move here, use your handy dandy new NYC address to book interviews quickly. NYC may have high rent, but people are always hiring and you can find a job.

If you discover that your job isn’t paying enough, get another job that works with your current work schedule. The are so many high profile jobs in NYC. You could work in customer service for the Metropolitan Opera, Jazz at Lincoln Center, Lincoln Center, Broadway Theaters, and the Apollo Theatre to name a few.

Live A Minimalist Lifestyle

Are you used to doing laundry at home? Say goodbye. Used to having central heating and air? Adios amigos. Dishwasher? lol, you are now the dishwasher. Big closets? no no, you will be lucky to get a closet at all. The more luxuries you want in your apartment the higher your rent will be. My most expensive rent was $910 a month. This apartment had laundry in the unit, a virtual doorman, and a dishwasher.

If you want affordable rent, you will probably have to live with roommates. If you live alone, your rent will run you about $1500 to $2500 or more a month in Brooklyn. Manhattan apartments are twice this price and have significantly less space than the Brooklyn, Queens, and Bronx apartments. With roommates your rent would be about $800 to $1,200 in Brooklyn. You will rarely ever see your roommates more than likely so it is really not a bad deal.

Best place to find apartments in NYC: Facebook marketplace: https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/

Hope this helps.

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

Would you ever move to NYC? Why or why not?

Comment below!

Categories
Mental Health

How to Deal With Negative Feelings

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Let’s be honest, we tend to ignore our negative feelings. Most people are only okay to share when things are going well. But, if you continue to suppress your feelings, it can have long term effects. If you continue to avoid your negative feelings, it will come out in other ways. It is best to acknowledge your feelings, seek therapy or a mentor, and understand the why behind your feelings.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Guess what? There are so many labels for feelings besides happiness, anger, and sadness. Learn how to name your feelings and give yourself time to process them. When you can acknowledge your feelings, then you can move past them. When you ignore your true feelings, you will begin to express them in unhealthy ways without realizing it.

Ignite your Leadership Potential by Building Emotional Literacy – Accelerate Performance

Seek Therapy or a Mentor

Therapy is a great way to express all feelings without judgment. Our friends and family can only give so much support and usually give a bias opinion. A therapist is a neutral party that can give you clarity on your overall mental health.

Secondly, mentors are great sounding boards as well. So, find someone in your career field or someone you truly admire to give you guidance. Honestly, some of the most insightful people in your life are the ones that can share their lowest valleys and highest peaks without reservations.

Understand the Why

Did you know that your feelings can be a thermometer for your mental health? Feelings give you a mental health temperature. The therapist will ask certain questions that make you stop and think. Sometimes, we get so busy that we do not stop to reflect on what we are feeling and why.

If you do not find the why behind the feelings, it will be difficult to move past your negative feelings. Once you recognize your triggers, you can begin to develop healthier behavior patterns.

Conclusion

When I started acknowledging all of my thoughts and feelings, I became more emotionally regulated. When you do the inner work on yourself, then you will be able to hold space for others to express their feelings as well. We live in a society where people struggle to hold space for people when they are going through a hard time such as death, miscarriages, and divorce. Lastly, expressing negative feelings does not mean that you are being negative. If means that your are being truthful.

Hope this Helps,

Dominique Duarte

Refer to How to Become Self-Aware: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-become-self-aware/

Book Referral: https://www.amazon.com/Living-Life-Balance-Spiritual-Performance-ebook/dp/B0BC4PJ3SK

How do you process your negative thoughts and feelings? Comment Below

Categories
Self-Help on Life

Learning How to Walk in Your Purpose

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Photo by Ruslan Zzaebok on Pexels.com

Walking in your purpose can be overwhelming, especially if you have not seen the fruit of your labor. Many times I have derailed my progress and gotten in my own way due to a lack of faith. Living in fear is holding you back so begin to persevere, feel your feelings, be patient and grateful to walk in your purpose wholeheartedly.

Persevere

When you are walking in your purpose, you will be knocked down. Some people think that if you are truly walking in your purpose that doors will just open and there will be no adversity at all. However, this is not the case. No matter what you do in life, there will be some level of adversity. If you know that you are walking in your purpose, then you have to persevere through the trials. Sometimes, you will fail multiple times, but please keep going on your journey. You got this!

Feel All of Your Feelings

“If you are knocked down, don’t stay down, get back up.” You probably hear this saying all the time and many interpret that as feel nothing along the way to getting back up. You will feel anger, sadness, joy, happiness, frustration and possibly some depression when walking in your purpose. Feeling your feelings is not a problem as long as you do not hurt anyone in the process. Instead of using food, drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes to numb your feelings, actually feel and process them. This will take time. Processing your emotions will give you the momentum to keep walking in your purpose.

Be Patient & Grateful

God works in His own timing or the universe works in its’ own timing, whichever you believe. However, it is challenging to believe this when waiting for your own ship to come in. Celebrate the small wins, ALL of them and be grateful for every single one. If you are grateful for the little things, then you will have a more positive outlook on your situation, even during the difficult periods.

The wins may be far and in between at times, but it is a part of the process. When God or the universe feels you are ready for more, He or it will open more doors, but every step that you take is preparing you for the bigger picture in the future. Be patient with yourself and know that you are worthy of greatness, and only you are meant to walk this particular path, so be diligent and grateful along the journey no matter how long it takes.

Conclusion

Persevere, feel all your feelings, be patient and grateful and you will continue to walk in your purpose with joy in your heart. Success is not immediate and it may not ever look the way you or other people thought that it would, but when your life has purpose, it is truly beautiful and worth all of the difficulties along the way.

Hope this Helps,

Dominique Duarte

Genius Zone: The Breathrough Process to End Negative Thinking and Live in True Creativity by Gay Hendricks: https://www.amazon.com/Genius-Zone-Breakthrough-Negative-Creativity/dp/B08PW4QGD5

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-wait-patiently/

Categories
Self-Help on Life

I Love Emotional Intelligence, How About You?

two yellow emoji on yellow case
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What is emotional intelligence? Mental Health America defines emotional intelligence as the ability to manage your emotions and understand the emotions of others. You can increase your emotional intelligence by reading non-fiction books, writing in a journal, and self-reflecting.

Read Non-Fiction Books

Reading is fundamental. The more you read, the more you grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Yes, you can read fiction books too. However, non-fiction books, such as self-help books, or biographies, can give you insights that will lead to personal growth. If you do not like reading books, listen to audiobooks or podcasts instead. If you want to improve your life, reading is a solid way to do this.

Journal

Journaling is cathartic and a way to release all of your thoughts and feelings on paper. If you would like to journal daily that would be wonderful, but you do not have to journal daily. I journal whenever, but I can still refer back to old journal entries from years ago and reflect. Go back and read your past journal entries to see how much you have grown overtime during difficult times. As long as you are better than the person you were yesterday, you are doing well my friend.

Self-Reflect

Consistently self-reflect when things are going well and when things are crashing down. If you compare yourself to the person that you used to be, you will be able to measure your personal growth overall. Therapy, reading self-help books and journaling have given me the gift of self-awareness. Self-awareness is a powerful tool to aid yourself, become fully present, and empathetic to those around you.

Conclusion

So, increasing your emotional intelligence can make you more empathetic, more self-aware, and more authentic. When you do the inner work, you can truly be a light for everyone else around you. In conclusion, reading non-fiction books, journaling, and self-reflecting will give you the steps to developing your true authentic self.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker: https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842

Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins: https://www.amazon.com/Cant-Hurt-Me-Master-Your/dp/1544512287

Happiness for Humankind Playbook by Aymee Coget: https://www.amazon.com/HAPPINESS-HUMANKIND-PLAYBOOK-Sustainable-Happiness/dp/0578222019

John Bradshaw The Family Series https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjAw1M2thMk&list=PL4wA21d2cgvEoCnGkVBFG-RrQA-qGxaD-&index=1

Categories
Mental Health

How to Overcome Emotional Abuse in Your Life

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Emotional abuse causes a gradual erosion of a person’s self esteem, confidence, and self-worth. Low self-esteem and low self-worth create issues at school, work, and personal relationships well into adulthood. In order to begin overcoming emotional abuse, begin therapy, read self-help books, journal, acknowledge the abuse, and self-reflect regularly.

Begin Therapy

Therapy is beneficial for everyone and can be a great tool for personal growth in all areas of your life. Since growth takes time, you should attend therapy for an extended period of time. Furthermore, you may not click with every therapist so shop around. If someone is not a good fit for you, do not give up on therapy, just find a therapist that works for you.

Read Self-Help Books

Since 2013, I have read self-help books or personal development books. I read several books a year. Reading self-help books, along with therapy has aided in my healing from emotional abuse. Consider reading the following: Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker; Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins; How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie; The Art of Letting Go by Nick Trenton, What Happened to You by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry.

Journal

Journaling is cathartic and a way to release all of your thoughts and feelings on paper. If you would like to journal daily that would be wonderful, but you do not have to journal daily. I journal whenever, but I can still refer back to old journal entries from years ago and reflect. Go back and read your past journal entries to see how much you have grown overtime during difficult times. As long as you are better than the person you were yesterday, you are doing well my friend.

Acknowledge the Abuse

When I think of my childhood, there are mixed feelings for sure. My mother and stepfather provided a great life for me with a nice home, clothes, and plenty of food to eat. However, it has taken years to acknowledge that I lived in a verbally and emotionally abusive household from childhood until I moved to NYC in 2016.

Acknowledging the abuse does not mean that you cannot forgive your parents. It does not mean that your parents were not good people. I have forgiven my parents and I know that they tried the best that they could. However, the effects of living in that environment for 26 years has left it’s mark in signficant ways that are hard to ignore. The body really does keep the score and self-regulating is still a daily struggle.

The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel von der Kolk: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

Self-Reflect Regularly

My dear barbie, you have come along way. Consistently self-reflect when things are going well and when things are crashing down. If you compare yourself to the person that you used to be, you will be able to measure your personal growth overall. Therapy, reading self-help books and journaling have given me the gift of self-awareness. Self-awareness is a powerful tool to aid yourself, become fully present, and empathetic to those around you.

Conclusion

Adulthood is no joke and no one is fully equipped to take on this thing called life. But, if you endured verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, you will be disregulated as an adult. Until you work on healing, you will consistently self-sabotage in big ways or more subtle ways. A traumatized adult raises traumatized children unless they begin to heal. Lastly, therapy is not a judgment on your sanity, it is a tool that creates a better you so that you can show up in the world as a fully functioning adult.

https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626251700/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents/

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

Categories
Self-Help on Life

Best Options to Consider After High School

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High school graduation is super exciting, but can be extremely overwhelming too. If you are graduating high school soon, consider all of your options for life after graduation. College is a wonderful experience and adulthood on training wheels, but please consider all of your options. High School students can consider attending a trade school or university, join the workforce, become an entrepreneur, or join the military.

Attending a College or Trade School

If you know what you want to pursue, apply to a college or trade school based on what you want to do with your life. Trade school is more affordable and will give you a skill that makes you more competitive in the job market. If you know that your future career would require a degree, then please apply for as many scholarships as possible to avoid taking out student loans.

Join the Workforce

If you are unsure of what you want to do with your life, get a job and work for a year or two. Consider attending a community college while working your job or jobs. Joining the worksforce can be alarming especially if you have never had a job, but it teaches you responsibility and accountability. However, you are not given many chances to mess up at a job. If you are a no show or late all the time, you will be fired.

Become an Entreprenuer

If you have a specific skill or service that you would like to offer, start a business while you are in high school. You can get a part-time job to cover expenses to start your business if needed. Begin marketing your services to your community and hone your skills to provide high quality service. If you are about to graduate soon, take steps now so that you can make an income as soon as possible. Now, if you decide to have your own business after high school, you must be a self-starter, who is organized and has excellent time management skills.

Join the Military

The military pays for your college expenses, which is one of the biggest plus when considering this option. If you do not know what you want to do, joining the military is a great way to gain some discipline and responsibility skills that will be lifelong assets in whatever career that you end up choosing. You will need to get in great physical shape and pass the ASVAB test. Lastly, if you have any pre-existing medical issues, you will not pass the medical exam. The medical exam is extremely extensive and you will be eliminated for any medical issues.

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://www.navy.com/joining/requirements