My parents divorced not long after I was born. When I was 21 years old, my father and I met for the first time that I can remember. I had a few calls with him, but broke off contact not long after this meeting. I had no idea that I had any negative feelings about my father’s absence since I had a stepfather. After years of therapy and personal development, I now know that my father’s absence had affected me in a myraid of ways. If your father was not present, try processing all of your feelings, mourn the family that you did not have, and seek validation from within.
Process Your Feelings
I did not discover that I had issues with my absent father until very recently. You may be completely unaware that you have any feelings at all towards your father. However, acknowledging how you feel about your absent father is necessary to find peace in the future. Process all of your feelings whether it be anger, frustration, or resentment, feel it and process it through journaling or therapy. Once you process those feelings, then you can move toward healing. https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/the-best-ways-to-process-your-negative-feelings/
Mourn the Family that You Did Not Have
Most people have warm and fuzzy feelings when discussing family and past memories. You may feel sad that you missed out on memories and milestones throughout your life with your father. Furthermore, connecting with other family members can be difficult too, especially when everyone in your family had a present father in their lives. Processing the family that you did not have may be a lifelong journey.
Seek Validation from Within
When a parent abandons you, it can affect your self worth. You feel like if you were more valuable, then maybe the parent would have been more present. But a parent leaving has nothing to do with you at all and that can be challenging to believe. You make a habit of constantly seeking validation from other people to fulfill you to overcome low self-esteem. You are worthy! Your existence and presence are precious in this world. Try reading Honoring the Self by Nathaniel Branden:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/646185.Honoring_the_Self
Conclusion
Recently, I spoke to my father for the first time since I was about 21 years old. Honestly, I still have mixed feelings about having a relationship, but I plan to keep in contact with him since life is short and he is getting older. This may not be the solution for everyone who has an absent father. Processing your feelings, mourning the family that you did not have, and seeking validation within yourself will begin your healing and possible forgiveness toward someone who hurt you deeply.
Hope this helps
Dominique Duarte
Do you have Daddy Issues? How have you processed your feelings? Comment below!