Author: dominiquelduarte

How to Manage Life as a Late Bloomer

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date October 24, 2022

In society, it is expected that you are established in your career, started a family, bought a home by 30. Here’s the thing, life does not go the way you think it will. I thought I would be an established actor on Broadway or an opera singer at the MET at this point in my life.

Life is unpredictable and I am a late bloomer in all areas of life. There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer in your life. Life happens, so embrace your current life, count your blessings, know your why and narrow your focus to bloom into who you were meant to be in this world.

Embrace Your Current Life

It is not uncommon to gain traction in your career later in life. I wish this was emphasized more in American society. Most people do not have everything together by 30. Do not compare your chapter in life with the chapter of other people. This is easier said than done, especially with social media. Remember that we all have unique paths and journeys. There is a reason why you are where you are right now. Embrace where you are now and keep going.

Count Your Blessings

You can always improve your life, but be content where you are too. Embrace your current life and count your blessings. For example, today I remembered that I have lived in NYC for six years, and I have always had food to eat and a decent place to live. This is a blessing. Secondly, I am booking consistent acting work for the first time since I left Tennessee.

One of my goals this year was to get a survival job that pays the bills and gives me time to build my craft. This goal was manifested through Backstage, a site for acting jobs. My catering job came from that website in June and I am super grateful to God for it. Catering is flexible, amazing pay, and perfect for an actor. Find blessings in the small things in your life on the days when you feel weighed down by your current life.

Backstage: https://www.backstage.com/u/dominique-duarte/

Remember Your Why

It is so easy to get distracted and forget your dreams and goals. I have met several actors, musicians, and performers in NYC, but many of them are not actively auditioning so they are not booking work. Unfortunately, I became this person too.

People move here and become so preoccupied with working and surviving, that they no longer have adequate time to audition. Actors are unsuccessful because they quit auditioning. Remember your why! If you forget your why, you will lose focus and get distracted with jobs and hustles that have nothing to do with your dreams and goals. Write down your why and keep it close to you at all times.

Narrow Your Focus

Once you know your why, keep it simple. In the past, I would write sixteen to twenty yearly goals almost every year and post it on my wall. This was way too many, at least for me. I am going to focus my energy on four things for the next year. If you focus your energy in fewer areas then, you will not spread yourself too thin. Find a balance by narrowing your focus on a few things and be consistent with those few things to create permanent life changes.

Book Suggestion: https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361

Conclusion

Embrace your current life by counting your blessings and taking ownership of your personal growth. Remember your why and narrow your focus to conserve your energy to accomplish your dreams and goals. You will have a strong sense of yourself when you walk in your purpose and this will radiate light in the lives of others as well.

Furthermore, since you did take longer to become successful in your career, you will be more present and less likely to take opportunties for granted. Late-bloomer just means that your journey to success will take a little longer, but this gives you time to mature and become the best you that you can be.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/

Self-Help on Life

How to Achieve Your Goals in Life

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date October 17, 2022

Seven reasons why goal setting is critical to success

Do you have dreams? Do you have goals? Most of us have many goals and dreams, but year after year the goals never become reality. I have realized that for most people including myself, our dreams go unfulfilled because our goals are not clear and we are not taking consistent action to accomplish the goals. If you have goals and you want them to come to fruition, here are some tips to jump start your future.

Sort Your Goals into Different Categories

Separate your goals into multiple categories. For example, I used the following four categories for my goals: spiritual goals, mental/physical health goals, career goals, and family/friend relationship goals. You can choose whatever catergories that work best for you and your life.

I wrote all of my goals down and sorted them into each category. You could also write each category on a separate sheet of paper and think of goals for each category. Use whatever method works best for you.

Write the Actions Needed to Reach Each Goal

We all have dreams, some of us have goals, but taking actions to accomplish those goals and dreams is not always easy. Implement small changes in your current life if you want lasting change. Consistency is the key to success. Once you have written down all of your goals, write the actions you would need to take to accomplish each goal.

Ask yourself: “What would I need to do daily, weekly or monthly to make the goal a reality?” Write all of these actions on paper underneath each individual goal. Begin adding those actions into your daily, weekly, or monthly routines.

Post Goals Where You can See Them Daily

Writing your goals is essential to accomplishing them, but posting the goals where you can see them daily will give you the consistent reminder needed to bring them to life. I have posted goals on my wall since I graduated college and usually accomplish most of the goals on my wall every year.

I have never made a vision board, but these are very popular as well. Writing my goals on a poster board or chart paper has worked for me quite well over the years. But choose whatever method works for you to reach your goals. If a vision board is better for you, then create a vision board. However, you should still aim to write your goals down somewhere that you can see them daily.

Conclusion

Write your goals, sort them into different categories, place your goals somewhere that you see regularly, and take consistent actions toward those goals. These tips can catapult you to your dreams. If you consistently take action on each goal, you are on the right track. Will you always feel like taking those actions? No, you will not always feel like taking action, but it is necessary for long-term change. Be consistent in your daily actions to create change in your life.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Book Suggestion: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/6391876

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-walk-in-your-purpose/

What are your goals and what actions could you take to accomplish those goals? Comment below!

Mental Health

How to Embrace Being Sensitive

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date October 10, 2022

Book Suggestion: Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity: How to manage intense emotions: https://amzn.to/3dhaN8w

Did you cry often as a child? Were you shamed or belittled for getting upset over things others considered trivial? If so, you may be highly sensitive. Some highly sensitive people’s emotional needs were not met in childhood, beginning as early as infancy.

Sensitivity does not make a person weak, or immature. In fact highly sensitive people can be the most sincere, endearing, kind, and empathetic people. Sensitivity is something that can be beautiful. However, you may want to work on building your tolerance for challenges. You just have to be patient with yourself. Use the following tips to help embrace your sensitive self.

Accept Yourself For Who You Are

You are sensitive. You can go to therapy, develop better coping skills, and learn how to take criticism, however your sensitivity will still be there and that is okay. It is a special part of you that makes you who you are. So, you can use your sensitivity to create great works of art, theatre, writing, and to care for other people in need. A sensitive person is a diamond in the rough world of cold hearts, unapologetic douchebags and apathetic people. It takes bravery and courage to show vulnerabiltity to others. It is a beautiful part of you that should be embraced and cherished.

Find & Understand Your Triggers

You will have to go through your past in therapy or through journaling. Start with your childhood and ask yourself; “What happened to you?” “Why did it happen?” What patterns did you take on from your upbringing?” “What coping skills have you learned to deal with issues?” “Were your parents emotional unavailable?” “Were your feelings validated?”

Then, analyze your daily interactions with people, especially those moments where you feel you are being too sensitive. Ask these questions: “What happened?” “What did you do?” “What did the other person do?” “How are you feeling?” “Why did this trigger you?” “Do you know why you are feeling this way?” Asking yourself these questions on a consistent basis gives you a chance to self-reflect and go over your behavior patterns and emotional triggers. You can begin to name your feelings, and why you feel a certain way in a situation.

Validate Your Own Feelings

Your feelings were probably not validated as a child, teen, or even as a young adult. If your feelings are not validated, you will mistrust your feelings all the time. You were not allowed to express your feelings in the past. This causes confusion for you, so you begin to have anxiety and fight or flight in scenarios when most people would be perfectly fine.

Your current feelings are valid. Acknowledge how you feel, do not suppress or ignore the feeling, this does not lead to growth. Once you can acknowledge and validate your own feelings regularly, then your strong emotions and anxiety will begin to subside. You will now be able to handle even bigger situations with more maturity. This takes time, months, even years. Do not beat yourself up every time you overeact. Just go back over the moment and self-reflect to help you in the future.

Validate the Feelings of Others

Sensitive people generally have more empathy for other people. Most of the population will ignore, devalue, or put down the feelings of others. If you take the time to validate someone else’s feelings, you will feel better too. You may not understand this person’s feelings in that moment, listen to their feelings anyway. Furthermore, listen to this person the way you wish others would have listened to you when you were upset. If you take the time to understand others, people just might try to understand you a bit better too.

Conclusion

In conclusion, being sensitive has its’ ups and downs, but embracing your sensitivity as well as the sensitivity of others can make you a more well-rounded human being. We forget that at the end of the day we are all human and showing emotion is what makes us HUMAN. Devloping your coping skills can help you express emotions in the healthiest way possible. In order to know what coping skills you need to use, you have to name and feel your emotions consistently.

Sensitivity tells you if you are regulated or not, just like the nerves in your body tell you when something hurts. You would not ignore a throbbing pain in your side, so why do you ignore your emotions. Accept yourself for who you are, find and understand your triggers, validate your own feelings, and the feelings of others to embrace your sensitive nature.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/

Are you sensitive? Why or why not? Comment below

Self-Help on Life

How to Date as a Late Bloomer in Life

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date October 6, 2022

Book Suggestion: The Accidental Tsundere: Dating for Late Bloomers, Loners and Misfits by L.M. Bennett: https://amzn.to/3Jvctr1

I am 32 years old and I am definitely what would be considered a “Late bloomer”. At this point most of my friends have been dating since they were teens or at least young adults. This has not been the case for me. Since high school, I have been hyper-focused on school and work. For a long time, I was not interested in dating. Now, I realize that I have had a fear of dating and intimacy for most of my life. If you are a late bloomer in the current dating world, the following tips could help.

Be Patient with Yourself

If dating is new, you may be striving for perfection. You might project this on potential partners, or dates. Be patient with yourself. Realize that anxiety is normal. Veteran daters have anxiety too. Secondly, you may overeact to things that other people may not understand. You may sabotage a potential relationship before it even gets off the ground. Remember that you cannot undo a lifetime of dysfunctional behavior in a few months, or even a few years. You will mess up and that is okay. Just apologize if you hurt someone along the way. Keep working toward healing.

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-overcome-anxiety/

Go to THERAPY

Therapy revealed many underlining issues that probably led to my late bloomer status. Many of us may have had what looked like a normal childhood. I was emotional neglected and I had poor examples of what healthy relationships should look like. I have been my own emotional support since I was a child. This makes intimacy difficult with people in general, not just romantically. We learned many coping mechanisms in dysfunctional households that no longer benefit us now. If you want a relationship, you must continually work on being the best you possible.

Seek out Fellow “Late Bloomers”

I am learning that being a late bloomer is more common than people think. It is just not advertised as much. Fellow latebloomers will understand what you are going through. Dating is like driving a car. The older you are when you learn to drive, the more anxiety you will have about driving. The same is true for dating. What seems so fun and simple to everyone around you in your age group, is not that simple for you. Married people and experienced daters may not remember how difficult dating was for them at one time. They may not understand the intense anxiety you are feeling. Fellow latebloomers will empathize and understand your apprehension.

Research

There are many forums and youtube videos about fear of intimacy, lack of dating experience, as well as therapists. There are all types of people on the internet. You can find people who have little to no dating experience. You can find success stories of late bloomers as well. Research everything about dating so that you are prepared to put yourself out there. Google your way to becoming an experienced dater!

Have Fun

If you are anything like me, you probably overanalyze, overthink, and push people away at the slightest infraction. Stop, take a deep breath, and relax. One of my friends told me recently to, “relax, relate, release.” This is a line from the 80s tv series, “A Different World”. Dating can be fun and it should be fun.

Furthermore, late bloomers have a tendency to run at the sign of anything out of your comfort zone. You have little to no dating experience. Probably, you have not built trust with anyone other than a few close friends in your entire life. Get out of your comfort zone, and have fun on your dates and maybe make new friends in the process.

Conclusion

Dating can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding. Find yourself, heal yourself, and begin showing the best of yourself within a relationship. This takes time so please be patient with yourself. If you think you need more time to heal, just date to meet new people. See what happens before getting into a serious relationship.

If you want to do Christian courtship, then hold off on dating until you feel you are ready. No one knows you better than you. Remember there is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Certain life circumstances and situations create late bloomers. This does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means that if you want to date, you will have to unlock your inner self. Then maybe you can show your best self through a healthy romantic relationship.

Hope this helps! Happy Dating!

Dominique Duarte

Are you a late bloomer? If not, do you have advice for late bloomers? Comment below!

Self-Help on Life

Best Books to Begin Personal Growth

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date September 19, 2022

Reading is fundamental! However, when we reach adulthood most of us stop reading and learning. Eventually our personal growth comes to a slow stop or a complete halt. I began reading personal development or self-help books in my mid-twenties thanks to a friend’s birthday present. We assume that wisdom comes with age, but this is a common misconception. Self-awareness is one of the best presents that you can give yourself and you can gain this through therapy or reading PD books. The following 5 books will ignite your personal growth journey:

How to Win Friends and Influence People- Dale Carnegie

One of my friends gave me this book for my 24th birthday. It is short, sweet, and a great starter to the personal development genre. This Dale Carnegie classic gives healthy and positive ways to make a difference in the lives of other people. If you have trouble making friends, or if you want to be a better friend, this book would be a great place to start.

The older you get, the harder it is to make new friends and keep old friends. This book can give you a chance to reset your inner friendship button. The one tip I remembered from this book was that a person’s name is the sweetest sound to that person. Actively work to pronounce and remember a person’s name to make them feel seen in the world.

Order How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie: https://amzn.to/3zW0gIv

The Slight Edge- Jeff Olson

The Slight Edge explains how major life changes come from the small mundane daily choices that we make. Change will not happen overnight. Your everyday choices lead to positive and negative changes overtime. The Slight Edge teaches discipline and shows you how you may be holding yourself back from your greatest potential. How will today’s decision effect you in the long term? So, the Slight Edge will help you accomplish your goals and become the best you possible.

Order The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson: https://amzn.to/3zocmc0

What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilence, & Healing- Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey

We all have had some type of trauma at least once in our lives. Oprah discusses her own trauma throughout her life and describes how she overcame those struggles and found healing. Dr. Perry discusses his client cases throughout the years, where he had to come and intervene after a traumatic childhood situation. He helped lead his young clients to healing through various strategies.

The book also explores how intergenerational trauma also affects marginalized communities, especially black people in America. Also, this book opened my eyes to the fact that our education system may be reinforcing more trauma on students who experience adversity at home. This is a great read to gain more awareness and insight into the human brain and how it works before and after traumatic experiences.

Order What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilence, & Healing- Bruce D. Perry & Oprah Winfrey: https://amzn.to/3zVQeXP

The Big Leap- Gay Hendrix

What unique gifts do you possess? Are you utilizing those unique gifts? The Big Leap explores the Zone of Competence, Zone of Excellence, and Zone of Genius. All of us are living in at least one of these zones. Most of us are living in the Zone of Competence or Zone of Excellence, but will never reach our Zone of Genius unless we decide to take the big leap. When good things happen we tend to self-sabotage because our default setting is zone of competence or zone of excellence. Our subconscious wants to go back to the most comfortable zone. Read the Big Leap to begin the journey to living in your zone of Genius permanently.

Order The Big Leap by Gay Hendrix: https://amzn.to/3da2hIo

The Five Love Languages- Gary Chapman

The Five Love Languages was written for couples, but I read this book as a single woman and gained so much information about how to love the people in my life. How do you like to be loved? People are showing love left and right, and think that they are filling their loved ones love tank. Why isn’t their love tank filled?

Most of us show love to others the way we want to be loved, which is okay in a casual relationship, but in a more intimate relationship this leads to problems and unfulfilled love tanks. This book introduces and defines the 5 love languages and how you can begin showing love to someone close to you the way that they want to be loved.

Order The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman: https://amzn.to/3zyJpKo

Conclusion

Read the books above to begin your journey of love, discipline, healing, making friends, influencing people and taking the Big Leap to your fullest potential in your Zone of Genius.

Hope this Helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/

What is your favorite personal development book? Why? Comment below!

Mental Health

How To Encourage Yourself One Day at a Time

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date September 16, 2022

Do you feel discouraged? If you want to encourage yourself, you can use daily affirmations, find your gifts by exploring your interests, take care of yourself, hygiene included. I know that sounds extreme, but when people are depressed or lacking self-esteem, hygiene may be neglected. Learn to take action toward your goals, and surround yourself with positive family and friends to support you. Begin encouraging yourself today.

Write & Recite a Daily Affirmation

We all have days when we are not feeling our best. You need to have a pick me up and this does not mean going to caffeine, drugs, alcohol, weed, or food to feel better. Feel your feelings! We are not going to feel positive all the time and this is okay. It is better to feel the feelings than avoid and suppress them. However, you can overcome persistent negative feelings by reciting an affirmation or mantra to get you out of your inner-bully. If you do not want to write an affirmation, there are plenty of affirmations that you can find online and repeat to yourself when you are feeling low.

Read Affirmations for Success: https://amzn.to/3oEqYiB

Find & Cultivate Your Gifts

We all have at least one gift. People see singing, dancing and acting as a gift, but teaching, cooking, organizing, planning, encouraging, writing, styling, are all gifts and there are plenty where that came from. I am always surprised at how many people do not actively use their gifts and passions. Once you find your gifts, cultivate them like a garden so they will blossom.

Believe it or not, natural talent can only get you so far. If you want to become great in your calling or purpose, you will have to put in hard work. Read, watch, and talk to people who possess your gifts and learn as much about them as possible. When you know why you are here on Earth, you will feel better about yourself and will flourish.

Read Find Your Place: Locating Your Calling through Your Gifts, Passions, and Story: https://amzn.to/3Q4a5cE

Take Action toward Goals

A planner will be your best friend. You can use your phone, but I go old school with a small planner where I write everything down and use my handy dandy pen to scratch off things as I complete each task. You will feel so good about yourself when you see that you are getting things done. Write your long term goals and post them on your wall.

Then, write down the actions you need to take in order to accomplish those long term goals. Figure out how you can spread out those actions daily, as well as weekly. This is the type of planning that leads to success. Goals are amazing, but if you do not have a plan of action to accomplish it, your goals are in vain. Take action, cross if off your planner as you go, and your dreams will start to become reality.

Planner: https://amzn.to/3oKIX74

Make time for Self-Care

If you are not taking care of yourself, you will not feel encouraged. Get up, brush your teeth, shower, put on some clean clothes, take walks, go to the spa, get a massage, get your nails done, get your hair done, go to the park, ride your bike, go outside. If you are on a tight budget, find and attend free events, do something that you enjoy.

Furthermore, learn to say no sometimes to make sure you are making time for you. You cannot be a help to someone if you are operating at a deficit. Make it a habit to do these things at least once or twice a week and your mood will improve and this will put a little peep in your step. If you are grinding all the time and not taking time to live life, then you will struggle to stay centered and regulated.

52 Stress Less & Self Care Cards – Mindfulness & Meditation Exercises – Anxiety Relief & Relaxation: https://amzn.to/3PP6QGo

Surround yourself with Positive Family & Friends

Listen, you do not want to be unsupportive to family and friends who are having personal struggles. However, there is a difference between when people are having a hard time for the moment and when someone is negative in general. You know the difference, trust yourself. You can limit contact and you can set boundaries with toxic family and friends.

Set boundaries with negative people so that you protect your own heart. Spending time with positive family and friends is a necessary component to feeling encouraged and becoming your best self. If you do not have any positive family and friends, use positive youtubers to be your supportive friends.

Read Boundaries: https://amzn.to/3SiHimO

Conclusion

If you want to encourage yourself, speak affirmations to yourself every day, ask yourself questions to help you find your natural gifts. Once you have found those gifts, cultivate them and continue to grow in those talents.

Take action toward your goals and surround yourself with a positive network of people, whether real or virtual. Who are you spending your time with? Do they have a growth mindset? Remember, you become like the 5 people that you spend the most time with, so choose your closest peeps wisely.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

How do you encourage yourself? Comment below!

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-accomplish-your-goals/

Mental Health

How To Build Self-Awareness in Life

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date September 7, 2022

Book suggestion: Finding Awareness: The Journey of Self-discovery: https://amzn.to/3vAR2z2

Why do you do the things that you do? What triggers you and why does it trigger you? Do you know who you are and why? Most of us think that we know ourselves well, but this is not as common as we think. According to Merriam Webster, self-awareness is awareness of one’s own personality or individuality. (Merriam Webster). In order to become self-aware, please consider the following tips.

Self-Reflect

Journaling is a great way to self-reflect. You write in your journal consistently. Then, go back and read what you wrote about a week or even a month later. What thoughts did you write down? “Why did you think this way at the time? In the moment, we may feel a certain way. However, when time passes, we can look at the situation with new eyes.

You can assess situations that occur in your life, positive and negative situations. How did you handle the situation? Be objective about your actions. If you have a conflict with someone, the other person may have been in the wrong. If you handled it in an unhealthy way, reflect on why you did this. Ask yourself, “Why did this trigger me?”. Get to know yourself like you would get to know a close friend or spouse.

Recognize Strengths & Weakness

We all have strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes, we only focus on the tangible qualities, such as being organized, or having a talent in the performing arts. Strengths and weaknesses also involve you character traits. We all have unique personality qualities. A weakness can always be improved and a strength can always be improved as well. You are in charge of your personal growth.

If you want to become better in an area, work at it. All of us can learn to be better if we invest time to become better, through our daily actions. For example, if you are a naturally shy person, you can actively work on your communication skills. Learn to ask open ended questions. Work in customer service to help you interact with more people more frequently. You will probably always be a bit shy, but you can always work to improve on your communication skills.

Reflect on Criticism from Others

Criticism can be a taboo word in our society. Constructive cricitism is a great way to build personal growth and self-awareness. Crticism coming from a neagtive place does not usually lead to your growth. Learn to discern the difference between the two types of criticism by considering the source giving you the criticism. Sometimes constructive criticism can hurt quite a bit.

Pay attention to how you feel when you hear criticism, whether constructive or not. Self-reflect, “Is there merit to what was said?”; “Is this an area that I can improve?”. If we are honest, most of us would say we do not need to improve. Yes, you can accept yourself as you are. But personal growth is a must in order to deal with the ups and downs of life. Self-awareness can give you a leg up during extremely difficult circumstances that are beyond your control.

Consider the Feelings of Other People

When you are self-aware, you can empathize with other people’s feelings. Someone may be upset and you do not understand. However, you can give that person their space with no judgement. You know that all feelings are valid. There were times when you were upset, people didn’t understand, and you probably wished someone would have validated your feelings.

When you are self-aware, you become accustomed to acknowledging how you feel without judging your own feelings. Our feelings are not good or bad. However, how we express our feelings can cause us to make poor choices that effect others. There is nothing wrong with any feelings no matter how big or small the issue. When you are aware of what makes you feel a certain way, you can advise other people on dealing with difficult feelings.

Read Personal Development Books

Reading personal development books can be a life changer. Why? Successful writers, speakers, entrepreneurs now know who they are, but this was not always the case. Listening or reading about someone’s life or life choices can inspire you to work on your own personal growth. You would need to read or listen to these books regularly for this to be effective long term. I suggest immersing yourself in an audiobook or reading a book 15 minutes a day. These 15 minutes can make a difference in motivating you to get to know your self.

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/best-books-to-begin-personal-development/

Conclusion

Often, we walk through life on autopilot and we are not attuned to ourselves, or our needs and our wants. Sidenote: gaining self-wareness and discovering who you are is not selfish. When you are working toward healing, you can effectively influence other people in a positive way.

Selfish people do not usually have self-awareness. They can only see the world through their own narrative. They usually do not take criticism well, and refuse to become more enlightened on their feelings and actions. Becoming self-aware is one of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself and the world. I hope you find this within yourself.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

What are your strengths and weaknesses? Comment below!

Cited Work: “Self-awareness.” Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-awareness. Accessed 3 Aug. 2022.

New York City Life

How to Survive in New York City

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date September 7, 2022

“N.Y.C, just got here this morning, three bucks, two bags one me.”- Annie the Musical.

If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. I had heard this saying all of my life, but it rings so true. Moving to NYC is no joke. however, if you stick it out, the rewards are abundant. These are the top 5 tips that were beneficial to my almost six year residency in the Big Apple.

Book Suggestion: Newcomer’s Handbook for Moving to & Living in New York City by Stewart Lee Allen: https://amzn.to/3QeJMRL

Plan, Plan, Plan

If you want to move to NYC, begin planning for the move at least one year in advance. Brainstorm the types of jobs that you want to apply for once you move here. If you want to work at a restaurant here, YOU MUST HAVE PRIOR EXPERIENCE. One of my theatre friends became a server in her hometown before moving to New York to gain experience.

Plan how much you want to spend on rent to help you figure out what jobs will fit your budget. Furthermore, ask yourself: “What borough would I like to live in?” Manhattan, Queens, the Bronx, or Brooklyn. Research the neigbhorhoods in those boroughs. In NYC, people dicuss neighborhoods more than street names so you want to famaliarize yourself with the different neighborhoods. Side note: Staten Island is the fifth borough, but you really need a car to live there.

Best Neigborhoods in Brooklyn: https://www.prevu.com/blog/best-neighborhoods-in-brooklyn

Save $3,000-$5,000

3,000 is the minimum amount you would need to bring here. Yes, rent is high! But you have to put down about $2,000 or more just to move in to an apartment, even with roommates. Let’s say you can afford $800 a month for a room (with roommates). You will have to pay 1st month’s rent, a deposit, and a broker’s fee.

This adds up to a hefty $2400 to move-in. If you bring $3,000, this leaves you with only $600 in your pocket until you get a job. Apparently, people are not supposed to charge a broker’s fee anymore, but they still do it. I just paid a broker’s fee to move in to my current apartment a couple of months ago. The broker’s fee is worth it to be honest. I have gotten some nice affordable rooms with the help of a broker or real estate agent.

Need Tips to Save Money: https://www.ramseysolutions.com/budgeting/the-secret-to-saving-money

Get a Job, or Two or Three

If your job transferred you to work in NYC, you are already a step ahead of most NYC peeps. I was told not to apply for jobs until I moved here. Why? NYC Employers need people ASAP! These employers are not going to hire people living in another state. There are millions who currently live here available to begin work tomorrow, or even today. You CANNOT apply for jobs here unless you currently live here or if your job has transferred you here. That’s it. When you move here, begin searching for jobs ASAP. Use your handy dandy new NYC address to book interviews quickly. Finding a job has never taken me longer than about two to three weeks.

NYC may have high rent, but they are always hiring and you can find a job. If you discover that your job isn’t paying enough, get another job that works with your current work schedule. The pay here is NICE! Minimum wage is $15.00 an hour and most of my jobs have paid more than this. Also, there are some pretty high profile jobs here. You can usher at Jazz at Lincoln Center or Lincoln Center. You could work in customer service for the Metropolitan Opera, Broadway Theaters, and the Apollo Theatre to name a few.

Best resources for finding jobs: Indeed.com has been my bestie, most of my NYC jobs were found on there. https://www.indeed.com/

Live withOUT Luxuries

Are you used to doing laundry at home? Say goodbye. Used to Central heating and Air, adios amigos. Dishwasher, lol, you got jokes. Big closets, uh no, you will be lucky to get a closet at all. I have seen so many rooms advertised without closets. It’s crazy. I have only had central heating and air for two out of those six years that I have lived here. I had a dishwasher and laundry in my unit for two of those six years.

The more luxuries you want in your apartment the higher your rent will be. My most expensive rent was $910 a month. This apartment had laundry in the unit, a virtual doorman, and a dishwasher. If you want affordable rent, you will probably have to live with roommates. If you live alone, your rent will run you about $1500 to $2500 or more a month in Brooklyn. Manhattan apartments are twice this price and acutally have way less space than the Brooklyn, Queens, and Bronx apartments. With roommates your rent would be about $800 to $1,000 in Brooklyn. You will rarely ever see your roommates more than likely so it is really not a bad deal.

Best place to find apartments in NYC: Facebook marketplace: https://www.facebook.com/marketplace/

Say Goodbye to Wal-mart & Most Chains

There are no Wal-marts in NYC. You have to go to New Jersey or Upstate New York to find one. This was a big change for me personally since I was used to shopping at Wal-Mart. However, I began shopping at my local grocery store and Trader Joe’s for food and Target for my tolietries. You can also shop locally at $99 cent stores, and bodegas, and mom and pop shops.

There are several places to shop here and I guess this is the way it should be everywhere. Wal-marts have sort of taken over the small businesses in other states and NYC wants to keep people shopping locally. There are some chain stores here and definitely more chain restaurants than I remember seeing even six years ago.

However, most chains are in the times square area due to tourists who are looking for familiarity here. Sidenote: If you live here, don’t go to times square. There are way too many peeps taking pics and walking slowly, please don’t torture yourself. You will be living in NYC, now act like it. Just kidding, but not really, you will feel differently about times square after living here, oh the horror, the horror! No New Year’s Rockin’ Eve for Me!

Local NYC shops and markets https://www.spottedbylocals.com/newyork/category/shopping/

Hope this helps.

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/the-pros-and-cons-of-living-in-new-york-city/

Would you ever move to NYC? Why or why not? Comment below!

Health

How to Become Healthier in Life

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date September 7, 2022

Like so many Americans, I have struggled to eat healthy and exercise pretty much my entire adulthood. Growing up, I ate more balanced meals, but still had a huge love for sweets. I was never overweight as a child, teen or young adult. As a child, I never played sports, rarely played outside, or exercised much, except for physical education classes. My eating habits have never been very good.

I turned 30 right before the pandemic and this is the age where your body WILL CHANGE ALOT. Pre-pandemic, I already carried about 20 extra pounds, nothing too crazy. During the pandemic, I gained an extra 30 pounds. So I had to lose weight and I am just now hitting my pre-pandemic weight almsot, a year and a half later. Here are some tips that helped me shed the pandemic weight:

Book Suggestion: Freedom from Emotional Eating by Barb Raveling: https://amzn.to/3SoslPS

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-overcome-food-addiction/

Keep a Food Dairy Everyday

You can write it out by hand, use myfitness pal online, or type it daily in a Microsoft Word document. I chose MyFitnessPal. Go back over the diary for the week. Acknowledge what you did well and see where you need to make improvements. The diary has given me insight into my eating habits. I usually don’t eat enough or I binge, and rarely have I had a solid 1200 calorie day.

I’m usually over 1,200 calories or under 1,200 calories. If you want to lose weight, you need to consume between 1,200 to 1,500 calories a day. Then, you can increase to 2,000 calories a day once you reach your goal weight. Counting calories is super important, however, you also need to look for the grams of fat, protein, and sugar. Knowing your numbers are essential for consistent weight loss.

Ask Yourself Why are You Eating

Are you hungry, bored, sad, or lonely? Most times boredom, depression, and loneliness can cause overeating. Quarantine increased boredom and depression for people. Food has become a crutch for many of us during this time. Journal, workout, read books, or watch movies or television shows to manage your stress.

Acknowledge your feelings instead of stuffing them down with food or other substances. Eventually bad habits will catch up with you. It is better to deal with this now before it becomes a serious medical problem later.

Move Your Body

You have to move your body regularly whether you want to maintain or lose weight. I walk almost everyday and this has helped me lose weight within the last year. If you want to go to the gym to tone up, great, but walking is quite effective.

I have walked between 5,000 to 10,000 steps almost every day since early 2021 and have lost almost 30 pounds since that time. I combined the walking with logging my meals consistently and the weight came off. However, be patient if you only choose to walk. If you want quicker weight loss results, the gym may be the way to go.

Conclusion

Keeping a food diary and moving my body have helped me get my body to a healthy weight again. Does this mean that I have everything together? Of course not, my diet is still a serious work in progress. I am consuming less calories most days, but the quality of the calories still needs improvement.

It is okay if you mess up on your daily calories, just reset the next day. Be Patient with yourself! Weight loss does take time and may take longer than you anticipate. I thought 30 pounds would come off in six months, but it took a year and a half. Just remember to take your time and keep taking care of yourselves!!

Have a good day!

Dominique Duarte