Category: Self-Help on Life

Are you a Black high school student looking to go to college soon? If so, here are some tips to consider when thinking about college options. Consider affordability of the college, go on college visits, do your research, and think about the pros and cons of attending a Predominantly White Institution (PWI) or a Historically Black College University (HBCU).

Affordability

If you can avoid it, please do not take out student loans. Student loans can become a prison sentence that can last until your forties or fifties. When searching for universities, consider the affordability. If the tuition is too high, try to find a cheaper school that offers similar benefits. Unless you are looking to go to an Ivy League school for a specific career, it does not matter where you go to school as long as you graduate with a degree.

Go On College Visits

If you are interested in applying to a college, do yourself a favor and visit the college or university. When you visit a school, you can get a feel for what attending the school might be like. I did not visit any of the colleges before I chose my university. Visiting will help you choose a school that is a good fit for you academically and socially.

Do Your Research

Research possible majors, minors, and universities. What lifestyle would you like to have in the future? Talk to your guidance counselors as well as people that you know who have attended college. Think outside of the box when considering a major. At some schools, you can create your own independent study major. Explore your interests as much as you can during your time in high school. This can give you a better idea of your natural strengths and weaknesses to give you clues to what major you might want to study.

Consider Pros & Cons of PWIs & HBCUs

I did not apply to any HBCUs, however I would suggest that black students apply for both HBCUs and PWIs. If you attend an HBCU, you will gain a better community post college. Your four years of college greatly effect your post college life more than you realize both socially and career wise. If you attend an HBCU, you will have professors, colleagues, and friends that will understand your life experience in a deeper way that is indescribable.

PWIs give you a chance to learn more about people who are different from you. It will be more like what the workplace would look like in the real world. If you decide to go to a PWI, connect with the black students as well as the white students. More than likely, your relationships with the black students are more likely to sustain past college and you may even find your potential mate.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://learn.org/articles/hbcu_vs_pwi.html

My thirties have been a bit more challenging than I had anticipated. In my twenties, I was less confident, but I felt less jaded for sure. The last five years have been a world wind for me personally and professionally. The highs and lows have been significant. We will all have adversity in life. It is not the adversity that is the problem, it is how you handle it. Feel your feelings, pivot, problem solve, and find a support system.

Feel Your Feelings

When life hits you with Adversity, it will suck. You will feel like the world is on top of you. Feel those difficult feelings, cry, get angry, be frustrated for as long as you need to. Ignoring your feelings is not healthy and will manifest itself in other ways if you do not deal with them. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad or angry. But, you cannot take out your frustration on other people.

Pivot/Problem Solve

While you feel your feelings, come up with possible solutions to your problems. If you cannot do this until your feelings have resolved, then complete the problem solving after you have dealt with your difficult emotions. When I lost my job, I felt my feelings while I began applying for more jobs. This strategy may not work for everyone though and that is okay.

Find A Support System

This was one of the most challenging things for me personally. Adulthood can be quite lonely and isolating at times. Remember your past interests or begin connecting with people with your current interests. Join a church and get involved with other young adults in various ministries. If you are not religious, find other common interests with people through your favorite activities.

Secondly, if you would like to begin dating, try logging on to a dating app for 10-15 minutes a day. Being single is not for the faint of heart. It does become more diffcult to maintain friendships with friends when they get married or have families. No pressure to date if you do not want to, but it can help you have a more consistent support system. Life is hard, but you got this so stay encouraged through the adversity.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sNMjgYEX36Y

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

https://bumble.com/

How do you handle adversity? Comment below!

This past New Year’s Eve, I was not thrilled to ring in the new year. I silently said a prayer and actually teared up a bit during the countdown. Within the last 90 days, I have already had quite a turbulent year. This was similar to the first quarters in both 2023 and 2022. However, your first quarter does not have to define the rest of your year. In order to examine your first quarter, look at your goals, analyze the results of the quarter, and plan for your next quarter with deligence.

Look at Your Goals

If you do not have any goals, that is okay. Today, you can write some personal goals for 2024. You got this! If you have 2024 goals already, write small actions you will need to take to accomplish the goal. If you have done this already, then look at the goals and see how you are progressing on each goal. What things went well this quarter? What things need improvement for next quarter? Do not beat yourself up if things did not get accomplished. You have three more quarters to go this year, so give yourself some grace.

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-accomplish-your-goals/

Analyze the Results of the First Quarter

Next, you will go through each goal that you have for the new year. You will ask yourself: Did I actively work toward the goal? Did I accomplish the goal? What actions did I take to work toward this goal this quarter? What improvements do I need to make to complete this goal next quarter.

Example: My first goal this year was to cook meals at home and reach my goal weight. Yes, I did actively work toward the goal. I have not accomplished the goal completely yet. The actions that I took toward my goal: I began making my breakfast on Sunday nights and eating the breakfast throughout the week on my way to work. Also, I began going to Zumba classes and walked about 3 to 5 miles a day. However, I need to improve on cooking dinner at home and eliminating sugary foods.

Plan for the Next Quarter

For next quarter, continue doing the things that are going well toward your goals. Now, look at what needed improvement and create new actions in order to accomplish each goal. My example: I have now made a habit of cooking breakfast on Sunday nights and eating it on my way to work pretty consistently. I will keep doing this. Now, when I come home from work, I will make a smoothie as soon as I get home. I will prep my protein for dinner on Sunday nights as well. This will curb eating out for dinner.

Conclusion

Congrats you made it through the first quarter of 2024. Tomorrow is a new day, April 1st. Tomorrow, you get a clean slate if you have not accomplished any goals. April 1st can be your New Year’s Day if you want. If you have been working on your goals, you can continue working your on your new habit or habits. Furthermore, you can add some new habits slowly throughout this next quarter to accomplish the goal. Ready, set, GO! You are awesome!

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.amazon.com/Renewing-Mind-Project-Habits-Emotions/dp/0980224357

Seeking validation from others has been a constant in my life. As a child, I felt unseen and unheard in my family. I learned to mute my voice, and physically shrink in social situations. Recently, I attended the Embrace and Transform Workshop hosted by Eric M. Hovis. One of my biggest takeaways from the workshop was that I need to take up more space. Using my voice has become easier, but taking up space, especially in unfamiliar settings is still challenging for me. In order to begin taking up more space, ask people how you are currently showing up in the world, know your self-worth, and socialize more frequently.

Ask People How You Are Currently Showing Up in the World

You can ask people how you are showing up in the world. Sometimes, we may be completely unaware of how we are showing up in a room. You may think that you are entering the room with a load of confidence, but others could read you completely differently. Ask people in your life who you know will give you honest feedback about how you show up in the world. Take the feedback and practice showing up with a bit more confidence in new situations.

Know Your Self-Worth

You are worthy no matter what you accomplish or what you look like. Self-worth is not the same as self-esteem. According to University of North Carolina Wilmington resource page, self-worth is “the internal sense of being good enough and worthy of love and belonging from others.” Self-esteem comes from achievements or success, but self- worth is knowing that you are of value just for being who you are. You are so amazing and valuable, tell yourself that everyday.

Socialize More Frequently

The more you socialize, the more comfortable you will become with taking up space. So, get out of your comfort zone regularly. This gives you a chance to practice taking up more space in a room. If you only stick inside the four walls your room all the time, then you will always feel strange in social situations. Find meet up groups, join a church, volunteer somewhere that you are passionate about to become more present around other people.

Conclusion

Taking up more space can seem like a daunting task for more reserved people or people who lack confidence. Your voice matters and people need to hear you. We all have something beautiful to add to this world. Show up, take up space, and share your amazing gifts with the world. This can encourage others to do the same and make the world an even brighter place for everyone.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Book Suggestion: Roots of Self-Worth by Adam Sandberger: https://www.amazon.com/Roots-Self-Worth-Cultivating-Authentic-Self-Esteem-ebook/dp/B0CPZRXMPW

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-do-you-find-your-voice-in-the-world/

Life is full of ups and downs. Your plans may not have gone the way you thought. How do you find your passion for life after setbacks? Since 2013, I have created a poster with my goals for each year. Sometimes, I accomplish a few goals, but some goals turned upside down like a wilting flower.

Performing has always been my passion, but I always knew that I had to have another job to pay the bills. I have had some gains, but multiple setbacks as an adult. My passion for life has taken a dip down at times. Learning the power of the pivot, creating stability while pursing your passion part-time, and seeking therapy, a mentor or accountability partner will restore your passion for life in general.

Learn the Power of the Pivot

When I graduated college and moved back home to Memphis, my goal was to get a full-time in an office setting while doing theatre in the evenings. Hundreds of applications later, this did not happen. I had to get three jobs instead of one while doing theatre at night in Memphis for three years. In NYC, the first few years were the most stable, however, I have gone through several pivots within the last five years.

You can make plans, but sometimes things do not go according to the plan. You may need to change direction completely or you can make subtle changes to the plan. This has been a difficult lesson to learn. As a teen or young adult, you are told that if you work hard, you will have success and sometimes this is not always the case. Life just happens sometimes, but you just have to keep trying. Try to pivot with a purpose and new plan in place.

Creating Stability While Pursing Your Passion Part-time

Originally, I pursued teaching because I wanted stability for a bit and wanted to get out of debt. However, this did not go according to planned either. I went into significantly more debt due to graduate school. Pursuing singing and acting has been an emotional roller coaster for sure as well. I book performing work often, but it does not always pay very well. I get callbacks for major opportunities, but I don’t book the higher paying jobs.

In 2024, I decided to become a teaching assistant while pursing theatre projects in NYC in the evenings. This will give more stability and build my resume in acting. When I was a lead teacher, I had no time to pursue theater at all and was pretty miserable. As a teacher’s assistant, I can have more of a work life balance. Pursuing your passion is amazing, but stability is necessary after a certain point. Create a morning routine and evening routine to build some consistency for in your life. Your nervous system will thank you!

Seek Therapy, Mentor or Accountability Partner

If I had been in therapy while I was teaching full-time, things may have turned out differently with my teaching career. I have multiple mentors that have supported me for years now. If therapy or finding a mentor is not for you, then find a friend to be an accountability partner.

An accountability partner is someone that you can discuss what actions you plan to take toward goals. The partner can tell you their plans and actions as well. The two of you can encourage one another to accomplish your goals. No one is a one man island. Success comes when you have a small village in your life to encourage and support you.

Conclusion

Learning the power of the pivot will help you keep going when things do not turn out as planned. It is okay to feel disappointment and sadness when this happens. Mourn what you thought was going to be. We are humans and we do have setbacks. Feel your feelings, but get back up again and try something else. If your passion is challenging to pursue full-time, then, consider finding a day job that you like to do, and work on your passion part-time.

This balance will make such a difference for you. You will have financial stability, but you are still working toward things that you love too. Lastly seek therapy, a mentor or accountability partner so that you have a support system. When you have learn the power of the pivot, create stability and time for your passion, and gain a support system, you will truly begin to find your passion for life again.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Have you ever had to pivot in your life? Comment below

Book Suggestion: Living a Life in Balance: https://www.amazon.com/Living-Life-Balance-Spiritual-Performance/dp/3907427009

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-manage-life-after-college/