Category: Self-Help on Life

My parents divorced not long after I was born. When I was 21 years old, my father and I met for the first time that I can remember. I had a few calls with him, but broke off contact not long after this meeting. I had no idea that I had any negative feelings about my father’s absence since I had a stepfather. After years of therapy and personal development, I now know that my father’s absence had affected me in a myraid of ways. If your father was not present, try processing all of your feelings, mourn the family that you did not have, and seek validation from within.

Process Your Feelings

I did not discover that I had issues with my absent father until very recently. You may be completely unaware that you have any feelings at all towards your father. However, acknowledging how you feel about your absent father is necessary to find peace in the future. Process all of your feelings whether it be anger, frustration, or resentment, feel it and process it through journaling or therapy. Once you process those feelings, then you can move toward healing. https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/the-best-ways-to-process-your-negative-feelings/

Mourn the Family that You Did Not Have

Most people have warm and fuzzy feelings when discussing family and past memories. You may feel sad that you missed out on memories and milestones throughout your life with your father. Furthermore, connecting with other family members can be difficult too, especially when everyone in your family had a present father in their lives. Processing the family that you did not have may be a lifelong journey.

Seek Validation from Within

When a parent abandons you, it can affect your self worth. You feel like if you were more valuable, then maybe the parent would have been more present. But a parent leaving has nothing to do with you at all and that can be challenging to believe. You make a habit of constantly seeking validation from other people to fulfill you to overcome low self-esteem. You are worthy! Your existence and presence are precious in this world. Try reading Honoring the Self by Nathaniel Branden:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/646185.Honoring_the_Self

Conclusion

Recently, I spoke to my father for the first time since I was about 21 years old. Honestly, I still have mixed feelings about having a relationship, but I plan to keep in contact with him since life is short and he is getting older. This may not be the solution for everyone who has an absent father. Processing your feelings, mourning the family that you did not have, and seeking validation within yourself will begin your healing and possible forgiveness toward someone who hurt you deeply.

Hope this helps

Dominique Duarte

Do you have Daddy Issues? How have you processed your feelings? Comment below!

Leaving home is a huge decision for most people. Your family, friends, and memories are in your hometown. Leaving home does not have to be a permanent decision. You can leave for college, or accept a job in another city. You could try to vist different cities or countries for your vacations. Leaving your hometown gives you more perspective about the world, gets you out of your comfort zone, and teaches you more about yourself.

Perspective about the World

Refusing to venture out of your hometown can give you a narrow view of the world. The world is so vast and there is so much to see and do. People have completely different ways of living and when you leave home, you can see those differences up close instead of just watching it on television every once in awhile. It gives your more perspective on what is happening in other parts of our country as well as what is going on in the world.

Gets You Out of Your Comfort Zone

Going to a new place can give you a chance to get out of your daily routine. You can meet new people, learn new customs, and try new foods. These new experiences will give you a sense of confidence in yourself. You tried something that you have never done before and met some new friends who are different from you, congrats! Be proud of yourself for opening yourself up to new horizons. Try Reading The Big Leap: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/6391876

Teaches You More About Yourself

When you go somewhere new, you can learn what you like, and what you do not like. People may think it is selfish to travel alone or move to a new city by yourself, but it can make you become more aware of your own interests. When we stay home all the time, we already know most of the venues and things to do in our area. Traveling or exploring other U.S. states and countries, you can learn how you operate in a new environment.

Conclusion

For the last seven years, I have lived in NYC on my own. There have been challenges, but I have learned about how people communicate differently, tried foods from many different countries, and developed a level of independence that I never thought was possible. You do not have to leave your hometown permanently if it is not for you, but at least try visiting other states or regions to expose yourself to more diversity and culture.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Wanna Save Money to Move? Refer to How to Save Money On A Low Budget: https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-save-money-on-a-low-budget/

Where have you lived and what did you learn about yourself? Comment below!

We live in a microwave society, where everything is quick and instant. We used to get the news once a day and now we receive it every minute. In the past, we would drive to get food and now it can be delivered to our door within minutes. This can lead to frustration when things actually take time. The truth is that anything worth having will take time. So how do you wait patiently? You can live in the moment, enjoy the process, and have a flexible timeline.

Live in the Moment

When we become impatient, we are usually thinking ahead about the next thing that we need to do. When you are constantly thinking about what is next all the time, it can create anxiety. For some this can cause you to take no action at all. For others, this obsession can lead to workaholism.

Be present in the moment. Stay focused on the current task. You might begin to enjoy even the most mundane tasks when you are fully present in the moment. Also, give yourself more time in between tasks or places so you do not have to rush all the time.

Book Suggestion: The Power of Now: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577311523

Enjoy the Process

Time passes very quickly and before you know it the day, the year, or a decade is over. We all have goals and can feel like failures if we have not reached the goal by a certain time period. We become so hyperfocused on the future that we forget to smell the flowers in the moment. The more you enjoy the process of getting to your goal, the less pressure and anxiety you will feel.

Have a Flexible Timeline

When planning your life, using a timeline can be helpful to create smaller tasks to reach your short and long term goals. A timeline should be a guide for you to accomplish things, but it should also be flexible. The more rigid you are with your timeline, the more stressed and defeated you can become.

A timeline can be a tool, but should not discourage you to the point where you completely give up on a goal. If you do not complete things on your personal timeline, give yourself some grace. The most important thing is to keep taking consistent action toward your goals. When you stop stressing about reaching rigid timelines for your goals, it is amazing how doors will begin to open for you.

Conclusion

Waiting patiently is more difficult now than ever, but when you live in the moment, even the most mundane aspects of life can become joyful. Using your personal timeline as a guide helps you take action on your goals. Lastly, enjoying the process: the good, the challenging, and the in-between, is truly living life. When you wait patiently, all parts of the process will teach you something if you are present enough in the moment to learn it.

Blog Reference: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/in-your-thirties-now-what/

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

How do you wait patiently? Comment Below!

Millenials and Gen Z’s have differed greatly from previous generations when it comes to abiding by social norms. These generations are getting homes later, getting married later, and having children later or not at all.

When you color outside the lines of normalcy, it can still be difficult, even in 2023 . Most people are still resistant to anything outside of the norm when it comes to family or career. So why do you compromise? You compromise to please relatives and friends, to fit in with societal norms, and to feel accepted by everyone.

Please Relatives & Friends

People who care the most about you may never fully understand you and this can be hurtful at times. When you have a new idea or goal, you want to share it with those closest to you. But this can often be your first mistake. You share the new idea or goal, and your family and friends cast their doubts and fears onto you.

Now, you will begin to stifle your ideas and goals to please your family and friends over time. I have met people over the years who chose their job or career based on what would please their parents view of success. Some people do eventually change careers when they discovered their true callings. But this process took time and of course their family and friends were the most resistant to their life change.

Fit in With Societal Norms

You learn early that the expectation in society is to pick a sensible job or career, go to trade school or university, get married, have 2.5 children, buy a home, and live happily ever after. We learn this at a young age and we even play house as children with this concept in mind. This is a great dream to have and can be a beautiful blessing, however, it is not everyone’s trajectory in life.

You can feel a bit like an outcast in society if you do not follow this conventional path, especially if you are a woman. There are women and men who want nothing more than to be parents, but there are also people who have children out of societal pressure too. Children and marriage are such a gift, but only if both parties truly want children.

Feel Accepted by Everyone

We feel unaccepted when we encounter people who have conventional careers and jobs. We feel it when people are married and have kids and we do not. It is hard because you feel like people are judging you and labeling you as a failure. You want nothing more than for people to just accept your career and life choices for what they are at the moment.

However, one mistake that we continue to make is informing people about our career and life choices. The best practice is to just take action on your goals, and share the results when you feel comfortable to share. The truth is that people will never understand all of your life choices. You have to accept yourself, and all of your choices for what they are at the moment.

Conclusion

I chose a performance career, which comes with constant unsolicited advice from people who have never set foot on a set or stage, which can get annoying. Honestly, if one more person asks me about my retirement plans, I think I am going to scream bloody murder. Yes, retirement is in the back of my mind, but I chose an unconventional career, so it is a bit complicated.

I chose this life and I do not regret it. People will always have something to say no matter what you do, so just do what you are called to do. Your body, mind, and soul will thank you for it! When you accept yourself for who you are, and where you are in life, you will no longer feel the need compromise to the standards of others.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-do-you-find-your-voice-in-the-world/

https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361

Are you compromising in your life? Why or why not? Comment below

Reaching your thirties can be quite a miletsone. Easily embraced by some, feared by others, but life changing for everyone. I have learned that comparing yourself to others is counterproductive to personal growth. Health insurance is necessary for life at this point, and you will not know all the answers. I have been in my thirties since November 2020, and this is what I have learned so far!

Comparing Yourself to Others is ‘No Bueno’

Social Media may have made this more of an issue for most of us because we see the pictures, and the posts and we think “why am I the only one who doesn’t have my life together?” I have thought it often and I wonder if there was no social media, would I be thinking so much about what others are doing.

Comparing Yourself to others is ‘no bueno’! It takes away from your unique journey and puts other people’s lives on a pedastal. No one has a perfect life and we all have our own struggles so be okay with your journey in life and do not be attached to a time limit. Everyone has their time to shine and your day will come, just work hard and be patient. YOU GOT THIS!

Health Insurance is Essential at This Point

Health Insurance may have felt more optional in your twenties because most twenty-somethings are generally in great health. Of course there are exceptions to this for sure. However, once you reach your thirties your body is going to change and even the smallest health issues will begin to show up.

Having health insurance will make things easier if you have to go to the doctor for any reason. The insurance cuts the cost of any doctor visit, surgery, or medication. It also keeps you from avoiding the doctor and making the problem worse by not seeking medical help in a timely manner. Taking care of yourself in your thirties is a great time to start taking your health more seriously if you have not already been doing this.

You Will Not Know All the Answers

This can be a hard pill to swallow, especially if you are a perfectionist. You feel as if you must know everything to be successful in life. It is okay to not know everything. Life is about continuing to learn about yourself, other people, and the world around you.

If you believe in having faith, true faith is not always knowing the final outcome of every situation. Plans and goals are important, but continue to be open to changes as well. I used to think that I needed to know everything to prove my worth to others, and still struggle with this at times. Give yourself grace!

Conclusion

Your thirties are here! Congrats and enjoy these years! We all know that our twenties came and went quite quickly so cherish your thirites. When you make sure you have health insurance, know that you will not know all the answers to everything, and stop comparing yourself to other people, you will learn to love and appreciate the amazingly unique journey that you are on and embrace it fully, even on the challenging days.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Book Suggestion: Reinventing your Life:https://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthrough-Negative/dp/0452272041

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-wait-patiently/

One of the hardest things about becoming an adult has been the persistent feeling of loneliness. When you are a child, teen, or young adult, making friends is easier throughout primary school and college. However, once you graduate college, it becomes more difficult to make friends in adulthood. People get married, begin careers and jobs and have families, so making time for friends takes more of an effort for sure. Here are some of the things that I have tried to help make and keep friends throughout my time in NYC.

Maintain Old Friendships

Keeping and maintaining friendships is the best place to start. Instead of trying to make a bunch of new friends, try maintaining and rekindling some old friendships. Think about all of the people who have come into your life and figure out who brought positivity into your life when you were in their presence. Ask yourself “Who brings joy?” “Who do I have or could have a frientimacy with?” According to Shasta Nelson, CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, a frientimacy includes positivity, vulnerability, and consistency.

Write down everyone in your contact list and figure out whether you have these three elements with your current contacts. Consistency was lacking with most of the contacts in my phone, so, I began texting one person a day to check in or send a positive message. Writing “Text 1 person” in the planner has helped me remain consistent with this habit for over a year now. We all get busy, but making time for friends has to be intentional and it starts with you.

Shasta Nelson discusses “Frientimacy” in the video below. Enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmJyWreER7A

Find a Community

Finding a community is more challenging now than it was back in the day for all of us. Social media has made us more disconnected than ever. Finding a community was always the most difficult for me, even in school. I never really had a group of friends until I went to college, and gained some friends as an adult through musical productions over the years.

Try to get involved in a church, or any organzation that interests you, or find co-workers or people who have things in common with you. There are communities out there, but you have to take the first step if you want to socialize more. People will not come visit you in your room at home, so push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Church has given me a community in Memphis and even in NYC. However, it takes time to build intimate connections, even at church, so be patient. Reach out to people and even though not everyone will take the bait, the people who are meant to be in your life will, so just give it time.

Work on Your Personal Growth

Examine yourself and always work toward self-improvement. Yes, accept yourself for who you are at the moment, but also challenge yourself to work on unhealthy coping mechanisms, and work toward healthy communication. This is not easy work, but it is worth it and it will be continuous.

Friendships gives you practice to work on improving your communication skills. Sometimes, you will have tough conversations with friends. In order to have intimacy in a friendship, there has to be transparency by both parties. Therapy is a great way to work on yourself as well as journaling. Therapy is not just for people with big problems, it is for people to become self-aware. You have to be a friend to keep a friend. So learn to be the best you that you can be.

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/best-books-to-begin-personal-development/

Conclusion

Maintaining old friendships, finding a community, and working on your personal growth can help increase friendship in your life if that is what you desire. Also, try to meet up with a friend once a week or once a month. Consistency does mean something different to everyone so figure out what consistency means to you.

Find out what consistency means to each of your friends as well. You can make friends and keep friends, just put in a little effort. Lastly, sometimes people will not reciprocate, but do not get discouraged. If you reach out to multiple people those you want to be your friend will reach out eventually, just be patient and give people grace.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Walking in your purpose can be overwhelming, especially if you have not seen the fruit of your labor in the way you would like. Some people are still not sure about their purpose at all and that is okay. Just be patient and kind with yourself until you figure it out. If you do know your purpose, this post is mostly for you. You can do the following things to walk in your purpose with confidence no matter your current circumstances.

Book Suggestion: https://www.amazon.com/Genius-Zone-Breakthrough-Negative-Creativity/dp/B08PW4QGD5

Relevant: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-wait-patiently/

Persevere

When you are walking in your purpose, you will be knocked down. Some people think that if you are truly walking in your purpose that doors will just open and there will be no adversity at all. However, this is not the case. No matter what you do in life, there will be some level of adversity. If you know that you are walking in your purpose, then you have to persevere through the trials. Sometimes, you will fail multiple times, but please keep going on your journey. You got this!

Feel All of Your Feelings

“If you are knocked down, don’t stay down, get back up.” You probably hear this saying all the time and many interpret that as feel nothing along the way to getting back up. You will feel anger, sadness, joy, happiness, frustration and possibly some depression when walking in your purpose. Feeling your feelings is not a problem as long as you do not hurt anyone in the process. Instead of using food, drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes to numb your feelings, actually feel and process them. This will take time. Processing your emotions will give you the momentum to keep walking in your purpose.

Be Patient & Grateful

God works in His own timing or the universe works in its’ own timing, whichever you believe. However, it is challenging to believe this when waiting for your own ship to come in. Celebrate the small wins, ALL of them and be grateful for every single one. If you are grateful for the little things, then you will have a more positive outlook on your situation, even during the difficult periods.

The wins may be far and in between at times, but it is a part of the process. When God or the universe feels you are ready for more, He or it will open more doors, but every step that you take is preparing you for the bigger picture in the future. Be patient with yourself and know that you are worthy of greatness, and only you are meant to walk this particular path, so be diligent and grateful along the journey no matter how long it takes.

Conclusion

Persevere, feel all your feelings, be patient and grateful and you will continue to walk in your purpose with joy in your heart. Success is not immediate and it may not ever look the way you or other people thought that it would, but when your life has purpose, it is truly beautiful and worth all of the difficulties along the way.

Hope this Helps,

Dominique Duarte

I just turned 33 last week and have been single my entire adolescence and adult life. There are times that it can be overwhelming to: track finances, pay the bills, make constant career decisions, submit for auditions and self-tapes, work, cook, grocery shop, work on my mental health and personal growth, do laundry, and handle life in general on my own. Living single is not for the faint of heart, but you can do it, if this is your situation. Here are some things that can ease the load of living single:

Write Everything Down

A journal, a planner, and to do list pads can be a single person’s best friends. The planner keeps track of everything that I have to do throughout the day, week, and year. Write down everything: appointments, work times, laundry days, workouts, tax time, even meals. This can give you a routine as well as keep track of various important dates and times.

Write consistent to-do lists and scratch off things as you go. It can give you a feeling of accomplishment to just get even the smallest things completed. Lastly, try keeping a journal to write your feelings and thoughts. Living alone can bring its own set of challenges, so journaling can be a constructive way to deal with those difficulties.

Reach Out to People

Yes, living single can be lonely, but you can reach out to people regularly. Most people will not reach out to you due to a multitude of valid reasons. I have learned that I have to reach out to people if I want a relationship, even a casual one. People love to get text messages that just ask how they are doing. Try texting at least one person a day!

Call and leave a fun voice message and make their day. For socializing, try to invite friends out a few times a month or find a meetup if you do not know anyone. You could also volunteer at a soup kitchen, or join a church, or organization. Find and create a small community so that you do not feel so isolated. You can also use dating apps to meet new people as well.

Limit Social Media

This can be a hard one. Social media can be a great tool for engaging with family and friends. However, I have taken a few breaks from Facebook over the years because I would often compare my life to other people’s lives. I want everyone to be successful and have all the happiness in the world.

But sometimes it is hard to see everyone else thrive when you are going through life with very little emotional support. If you limit social media, you can be more productive with other things, but most importantly, you will protect your mental health.

Cherish Your Time Alone

Being alone can be a blessing in its’ own way! It gives you time to be still, and just sit in silence. People do not often get time alone, so treasure the time you have right now. Learn about yourself, read personal development books, take walks, go to the movies, or take yourself out to dinner and a show.

Take a trip on your own and have fun by yourself. I think people are afraid of being alone, but it can give you a chance to be fully present with yourself and God. You will find your inner voice and learn how to listen to it without the noise of outside influences.

Conclusion

Living single in NYC has brought trials, but it has created so much personal growth as well. Writing everything down, reaching out to people, limiting social media, and cherishing my time alone have eased the burden of living single. Being alone can be a gift. Currently, I am gaining a stronger sense of myself and my identity. If you know who you are and whose you are, you can show up in the world as the best version of yourself.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/why-we-should-go-to-therapy/

Book Suggestion: https://5lovelanguages.com/store/the-5-love-languages-singles-edition

How do you Manage Life as a Single Person? Comment Below!

Saving money can be difficult to say the least. When I wanted to save, I always wanted to put a big chunk of money in my savings. Due to my adult financial situation, those moments when I had a big chunk of money were infrequent. If you make a low amonut of money, here are some tips on how to save on a budget. In case of an emergency, it is best to save at least 5,000 dollars.

Put a Small Amount in Savings

Time passes so quickly and before you know it, 5 years have passed and you still have nothing in your savings. If you make a low income try putting 5 dollars, 10, dollars, or 20 dollars per paycheck into your savings consistently. This will add up gradually overtime. It is a small amount, but it is better than not saving anything at all year after year.

Track Your Spending

Adding up all of your bills is necessary so that you know how much is coming out of your account every month. Take a look at your bank statements and see where your money going. Ask yourself: “Is there anything that I can cut out of my monthly outcome?” Create a budget by writing out every single bill and what time of the month the bill comes out.

Then figure out how much you want to spend on food, tolietries, etc. For food and tolietries, etc, try using cash instead of a debit card. Seeing the money physically may help you stick to your budget better than constantly swiping your debit card.

Increase Your Income

You can get another job specifically to save money. The money from this job will only go into your savings account. You could also consider getting a higher paying full-time job. Research and apply, apply, apply. Remember that you have to apply for 50 to 100 jobs or more to get new employment. Indeed.com is an amazing resource for applying for jobs.

I have had so many jobs in my adult life and it takes several applications and interviews to gain employment. Research, research, research. Think outside of the box! There were jobs available that I had never even thought of applying for such as ushering at Jazz at Lincoln Center or catering at a temp agency. Consider side hustles like network marketing, blogging, teaching online, creating a youtube channel, working at a store or restaurant on weekends only.

Best Job Search Site: https://www.indeed.com/

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/the-best-ways-to-find-a-job/

Conclusion

You can save money! I believe in you! Put away a small amount in your savings per paycheck, track your monthly spending, consider increasing your income by getting a higher paying full-time job or getting a side hustle specifically for savings.

Saving has been a journey for me for sure. However, when your savings account increases, your stress can decrease. Emergencies happen and you want to be prepared financially when those moments come up in your life. Be Prepared!

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

How do you save money? Comment below!

In society, it is expected that you are established in your career, started a family, bought a home by 30. Here’s the thing, life does not go the way you think it will. I thought I would be an established actor on Broadway or an opera singer at the MET at this point in my life.

Life is unpredictable and I am a late bloomer in all areas of life. There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer in your life. Life happens, so embrace your current life, count your blessings, know your why and narrow your focus to bloom into who you were meant to be in this world.

Embrace Your Current Life

It is not uncommon to gain traction in your career later in life. I wish this was emphasized more in American society. Most people do not have everything together by 30. Do not compare your chapter in life with the chapter of other people. This is easier said than done, especially with social media. Remember that we all have unique paths and journeys. There is a reason why you are where you are right now. Embrace where you are now and keep going.

Count Your Blessings

You can always improve your life, but be content where you are too. Embrace your current life and count your blessings. For example, today I remembered that I have lived in NYC for six years, and I have always had food to eat and a decent place to live. This is a blessing. Secondly, I am booking consistent acting work for the first time since I left Tennessee.

One of my goals this year was to get a survival job that pays the bills and gives me time to build my craft. This goal was manifested through Backstage, a site for acting jobs. My catering job came from that website in June and I am super grateful to God for it. Catering is flexible, amazing pay, and perfect for an actor. Find blessings in the small things in your life on the days when you feel weighed down by your current life.

Backstage: https://www.backstage.com/u/dominique-duarte/

Remember Your Why

It is so easy to get distracted and forget your dreams and goals. I have met several actors, musicians, and performers in NYC, but many of them are not actively auditioning so they are not booking work. Unfortunately, I became this person too.

People move here and become so preoccupied with working and surviving, that they no longer have adequate time to audition. Actors are unsuccessful because they quit auditioning. Remember your why! If you forget your why, you will lose focus and get distracted with jobs and hustles that have nothing to do with your dreams and goals. Write down your why and keep it close to you at all times.

Narrow Your Focus

Once you know your why, keep it simple. In the past, I would write sixteen to twenty yearly goals almost every year and post it on my wall. This was way too many, at least for me. I am going to focus my energy on four things for the next year. If you focus your energy in fewer areas then, you will not spread yourself too thin. Find a balance by narrowing your focus on a few things and be consistent with those few things to create permanent life changes.

Book Suggestion: https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361

Conclusion

Embrace your current life by counting your blessings and taking ownership of your personal growth. Remember your why and narrow your focus to conserve your energy to accomplish your dreams and goals. You will have a strong sense of yourself when you walk in your purpose and this will radiate light in the lives of others as well.

Furthermore, since you did take longer to become successful in your career, you will be more present and less likely to take opportunties for granted. Late-bloomer just means that your journey to success will take a little longer, but this gives you time to mature and become the best you that you can be.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/