Uncategorized - By Dominique Duarte

How to Overcome Emotional Abuse in Your Life

Emotional abuse causes a gradual erosion of a person’s self esteem, confidence, and self-worth. Low self-esteem and low self-worth create issues at school, work, and personal relationships well into adulthood. In order to begin overcoming emotional abuse, begin therapy, read self-help books, journal, acknowledge the abuse, and self-reflect regularly.

Begin Therapy

Therapy is beneficial for everyone and can be a great tool for personal growth in all areas of your life. Since growth takes time, you should attend therapy for an extended period of time. Furthermore, you may not click with every therapist so shop around. If someone is not a good fit for you, do not give up on therapy, just find a therapist that works for you.

Read Self-Help Books

Since 2013, I have read self-help books or personal development books. I read several books a year. Reading self-help books, along with therapy has aided in my healing from emotional abuse. Consider reading the following: Complex PTSD From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker; Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins; How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie; The Art of Letting Go by Nick Trenton, What Happened to You by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry.

Journal

Journaling is cathartic and a way to release all of your thoughts and feelings on paper. If you would like to journal daily that would be wonderful, but you do not have to journal daily. I journal whenever, but I can still refer back to old journal entries from years ago and reflect. Go back and read your past journal entries to see how much you have grown overtime during difficult times. As long as you are better than the person you were yesterday, you are doing well my friend.

Acknowledge the Abuse

When I think of my childhood, there are mixed feelings for sure. My mother and stepfather provided a great life for me with a nice home, clothes, and plenty of food to eat. However, it has taken years to acknowledge that I lived in a verbally and emotionally abusive household from childhood until I moved to NYC in 2016.

Acknowledging the abuse does not mean that you cannot forgive your parents. It does not mean that your parents were not good people. I have forgiven my parents and I know that they tried the best that they could. However, the effects of living in that environment for 26 years has left it’s mark in signficant ways that are hard to ignore. The body really does keep the score and self-regulating is still a daily struggle.

The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel von der Kolk: https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

Self-Reflect Regularly

My dear barbie, you have come along way. Consistently self-reflect when things are going well and when things are crashing down. If you compare yourself to the person that you used to be, you will be able to measure your personal growth overall. Therapy, reading self-help books and journaling have given me the gift of self-awareness. Self-awareness is a powerful tool to aid yourself, become fully present, and empathetic to those around you.

Conclusion

Adulthood is no joke and no one is fully equipped to take on this thing called life. But, if you endured verbal, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse, you will be disregulated as an adult. Until you work on healing, you will consistently self-sabotage in big ways or more subtle ways. A traumatized adult raises traumatized children unless they begin to heal. Lastly, therapy is not a judgment on your sanity, it is a tool that creates a better you so that you can show up in the world as a fully functioning adult.

https://www.newharbinger.com/9781626251700/adult-children-of-emotionally-immature-parents/

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/

Overcoming Being Black in the Performing Arts

Find Community with Black Artists

A community is essential no matter what profession that you choose in life. However, as a black artist, it is essential to find black artists who can relate to you and your career in the arts. I found most of my community of black artists through The Color Purple cast at Playhouse on the Square in Memphis. We have maintained consistent contact and have helped each other through some difficult times. Black artists relate to your struggles and can give advice about how to handle the adversity in the industry.

Learn Your Assets & Strengths

You are your best advocate in your career. Learn your assets and strengths and what makes you unique. Take lessons and classes consistently to thoroughly enhance those skills. For years, I took dance classes, when I could have focused more on taking vocal lessons or acting classes instead and would have booked higher paying jobs.

Avoid Comparison with Your White Peers

White performers have their own struggles as well and work their behinds off in their performance careers. But, your white peers will probably have more fruit earlier in their careers than you. This does not mean that you are doing the wrong career, it just means that you have to be patient and persistent. Black performers, especially black actresses tend to bloom later in their careers. Examples include Angela Bassett, Taraji P. Henson, Esther Rolle, Sheryl Lee Ralph, and so many others. As a late bloomer, you will have more of an appreciation when you do reach certain milestones than you might have had if you were younger.

Find Mulitple Streams on Income

If you decide to pursue a performance career, you will consistently be out of work. This means that you need to find multiple streams of income in order to support yourself when you are not booking performing work. Find side hustles such as tutoring, babysitting, teaching, blogging or vlogging, podcasting, etc. Need a side hustle; check out some of these ideas: https://sidehustleschool.com/ideas/

Conclusion

My journey in the arts has been a rewarding and unpredictable experience. There have been so many highs and lows and it can be discouraging. My community of black artists have been my rock through everything with emotional support and wise advice. Multiple streams of income have kept my bills paid and my gift of song has opened up so many doors for me that I am truly grateful for. My white peers work extremely hard to get where they are, but I cannot continue to compare my career trajectory to them because it is unrealistic. Break legs in your performing arts career! You Got This!

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte