Book Suggestion: The Accidental Tsundere: Dating for Late Bloomers, Loners and Misfits by L.M. Bennett: https://amzn.to/3Jvctr1
I am 32 years old and I am definitely what would be considered a “Late bloomer”. At this point most of my friends have been dating since they were teens or at least young adults. This has not been the case for me. Since high school, I have been hyper-focused on school and work. For a long time, I was not interested in dating. Now, I realize that I have had a fear of dating and intimacy for most of my life. If you are a late bloomer in the current dating world, the following tips could help.
Be Patient with Yourself
If dating is new, you may be striving for perfection. You might project this on potential partners, or dates. Be patient with yourself. Realize that anxiety is normal. Veteran daters have anxiety too. Secondly, you may overeact to things that other people may not understand. You may sabotage a potential relationship before it even gets off the ground. Remember that you cannot undo a lifetime of dysfunctional behavior in a few months, or even a few years. You will mess up and that is okay. Just apologize if you hurt someone along the way. Keep working toward healing.
https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-overcome-anxiety/
Go to THERAPY
Therapy revealed many underlining issues that probably led to my late bloomer status. Many of us may have had what looked like a normal childhood. I was emotional neglected and I had poor examples of what healthy relationships should look like. I have been my own emotional support since I was a child. This makes intimacy difficult with people in general, not just romantically. We learned many coping mechanisms in dysfunctional households that no longer benefit us now. If you want a relationship, you must continually work on being the best you possible.
Seek out Fellow “Late Bloomers”
I am learning that being a late bloomer is more common than people think. It is just not advertised as much. Fellow latebloomers will understand what you are going through. Dating is like driving a car. The older you are when you learn to drive, the more anxiety you will have about driving. The same is true for dating. What seems so fun and simple to everyone around you in your age group, is not that simple for you. Married people and experienced daters may not remember how difficult dating was for them at one time. They may not understand the intense anxiety you are feeling. Fellow latebloomers will empathize and understand your apprehension.
Research
There are many forums and youtube videos about fear of intimacy, lack of dating experience, as well as therapists. There are all types of people on the internet. You can find people who have little to no dating experience. You can find success stories of late bloomers as well. Research everything about dating so that you are prepared to put yourself out there. Google your way to becoming an experienced dater!
Have Fun
If you are anything like me, you probably overanalyze, overthink, and push people away at the slightest infraction. Stop, take a deep breath, and relax. One of my friends told me recently to, “relax, relate, release.” This is a line from the 80s tv series, “A Different World”. Dating can be fun and it should be fun.
Furthermore, late bloomers have a tendency to run at the sign of anything out of your comfort zone. You have little to no dating experience. Probably, you have not built trust with anyone other than a few close friends in your entire life. Get out of your comfort zone, and have fun on your dates and maybe make new friends in the process.
Conclusion
Dating can be challenging, but it can also be rewarding. Find yourself, heal yourself, and begin showing the best of yourself within a relationship. This takes time so please be patient with yourself. If you think you need more time to heal, just date to meet new people. See what happens before getting into a serious relationship.
If you want to do Christian courtship, then hold off on dating until you feel you are ready. No one knows you better than you. Remember there is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Certain life circumstances and situations create late bloomers. This does not mean there is anything wrong with you. It just means that if you want to date, you will have to unlock your inner self. Then maybe you can show your best self through a healthy romantic relationship.
Hope this helps! Happy Dating!
Dominique Duarte
Are you a late bloomer? If not, do you have advice for late bloomers? Comment below!