By Dominique Duarte - Self-Help for the Everyday Barbie

The Best Ways to Find a Job

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date December 11, 2023
6 Comments on The Best Ways to Find a Job

Job hunting can be quite the experience for everyone. It can be arduous, time consuming, and exhausting. The job market is super competitive right now, so you need to be prepared with your best resume and cover letter to stand out from the other candidates. Assess your skill sets, apply for hundreds of jobs, and prepare for your job interviews in order to find a job.

Assess Your Skill Sets

What are your talents? What skills have you acquired thus far? Analyze your work experience and the skills that you have acquired from past work. If you do not have much work experience, then list any volunteer work or internships on your resume. Your resume can make or break you from getting a job interview. Your resume should be a summary of your past jobs and highlight your skill sets within each position that you held.

Apply for Hundreds of Jobs

Applying for jobs is a numbers game so you should apply for as many jobs as possible. Apply for hundreds of jobs at a time. Use https://www.indeed.com/ to apply for a massive amount of jobs in a short period of time by uploading a resume to the website. When you apply for jobs make sure these are jobs that conincide with your past work experience and skill sets. Please make sure the resume looks professional with no typos or errors.

Prepare for Interviews

You got called in for an interview! Congrats! Now this is where you need to shine bright like a diamond. Please bring your best personality, your resume, and your best business casual attire. Practice possible interview questions with a friend if you get nervous during interviews.

The most challenging questions tend to be the following: What are your weaknesses and why? Why did you leave your last position? Why should we hire you? Tell me about a time when you had a conflict at work and how did you handle it? Be prepared to answer these questions because at least one of these questions will probably come up in an interview.

Conclusion

Assessing your skill sets, preparing for your job interviews, and applying for hundreds of jobs should get you a job as soon as possible. Remember to apply for jobs within your skill sets and past work experience. Furthermore, you can create more than one resume to fit into different job types. For example, I have three resumes, one for customer service applications, one for teaching applications, and one for performing applications. Each resume serves its purpose and I submit the appropriate resume for whatever job type that I am applying for at the moment.

SIDENOTE

Lastly, there are many more job opportunities in certain cities and areas than others. If you are struggling to find work in your current area, consider applying for jobs in other areas and possibly relocating. Yes, relocating can be costly, but if you end up accepting a full-time job that pays well, you can afford to relocate and make up the financial difference once you begin working.

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-be-a-good-employee/

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

How do you prepare for job interviews? Comment below!

Health

How to Overcome Food Addiction

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date November 27, 2023
2 Comments on How to Overcome Food Addiction

Food addiction can be difficult to handle. You cannot completely give up food since you need it to live. However, you are addicted to overeating and food is always so tempting for you. Eating whole foods can help curb appetite and cooking at home can cut the excess calories when eating out. Plan and log your meals, cancel food delivering services, and meet with a nutritionist regularly.

Plan & Log Your Meals

Keeping a food diary can be key to long term weight loss. When you are addicted to food, you overeat without realizing it. So use a journal or notebook to log every single thing that you eat every day. The best way to log meals and excercise is to use the My Fitness Pal app or website. My Fitness Pal is the easiest way to log your meals because it can give you the most accurate calorie readings for almost anything that you eat no matter where you eat.

https://www.myfitnesspal.com/account/create/welcome

Cancel All Food Delivering Services

If you are addicted to food, using doordash, ubereats, or grubhub can tempt you to overeat more frequently. Deleting them will make it harder for you to access high calorie foods more frequently. When you do go out to eat, walk or drive to go get the food. This decision will make it more likely that you will eat at home more often and eat out less. But if you want to keep these services, you can limit how much you will use them.

Meet with a Nutritionist

A nutritionist can give you advice to make small changes to improve your eating habits over time. You and your nutritionist can come up with strategies based on your personal goals and your current lifestyle. Nutritionists will have meal ideas that you may have never thought of as options that work for your daily life. Lastly, you can reach out to your primary care doctor and ask if they can refer you to a nutritionist.

Conclusion

If you have a food addiction, do not be discouraged. You can do this. Make small changes and you will see results. The results just may not be as quick as you thought. It took me a year and a half to lose 30 pounds, but I have maintained the weight loss for over a year. Log your meals on My Fitness Pal, meet with a nutritionist, and cancel or limit the the food delivery subscriptions to reach your health goals.

Check out “How to Eat Healthier” https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-become-healthier/

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Mental Health

The Best Ways to Process Your Negative Feelings

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date November 20, 2023
6 Comments on The Best Ways to Process Your Negative Feelings

When we have negative feelings, we tend to ignore them to appease ourselves and those around us. If you ignore or suppress your feelings, it can have long term effects in the future. It is best to acknowledge your feelings, seek therapy or a mentor for guidance, and discover the why behind your feelings.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Many people are uncomfortable with having any feelings besides happiness. However, avoiding negative feelings is counterproductive to personal growth. Acknowledging your feelings is as simple as admitting to yourself how you feel in the moment. It is as simple as that. Name your feeling and do not judge your feeling as good or bad.

Seek Therapy or a Mentor

Therapy is a great way to express negative thoughts and feelings without judgment. Also, the therapist will ask questions that get your wheels turning on the why behind your thoughts. Mentors are also great sounding boards as well. Find a mentor in your field or someone with more life experience to give you guidance. I have learned that the most insightful people are the ones that can share their negative experiences as well as their positive experiences.

Discover the Why

Your thoughts and feelings are like a thermometer for your mental health. Thoughts and feelings are always there for a reason. Until you find the why behind your feeling, it will be difficult to move past it. When you disover the why behind your thoughts and feelings, you can begin to understanding yourself better.

Conclusion

You will have negative feelings. I spent so much of my life trying to suppress those feelings. However, I noticed that once I started acknowledging my thoughts and feelings as they came, I became more emotional regulated. Lastly, when you can get comfortable with your own feelings, you will be able to hold space for others to express their feelings as well.

Hope this Helps,

Dominique Duarte

Refer to How to Become Self-Aware: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-become-self-aware/

Book Referral: https://www.amazon.com/Living-Life-Balance-Spiritual-Performance-ebook/dp/B0BC4PJ3SK

How do you process your thoughts and feelings? Comment Below

Mental Health

How to Begin Loving Yourself Fully

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date November 13, 2023
1 Comment on How to Begin Loving Yourself Fully

Our society can definitely be self-absorbed. However, self indulgence does not necessarily equal self-love. Hundreds of gorgeous selfies does not mean we love ourselves anymore or less. Awards and accolades do not bring self-love either. True self-love is necessary to be a loving person to other people. So how do you love yourself? You can focus on what you can control, set boundaries with people, and embrace yourself as you are today.

Focus On What You Can Control

If you make a promise to yourself, try your best to keep that promise. When you consistently break promises to yourself, you stop trusting yourself. You told yourself that you would go to the gym everyday, then make sure you go. This is something you can control and when you make it to the gym or go on that walk, then you will feel better about yourself. This can apply to anything that you promised yourself, keep your word to yourself just like you would with someone else.

Set Boundaries

Relationships are challenging for a multitude of reasons. You can not control someone else’s behavior or feelings, but you can speak up for yourself and set boundaries with people. Setting boundaries is within your control. You can discuss your boundaries with people and hopefully your friends and family will listen to your boundaries. Speak up for yourself because no one will advocate for you more than you.

Book Suggestion: Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend: https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

Acknowledge Your Weaknesses without Judgment

We are all a work in progress, but beating yourself up about your current circumstances will not produce growth. Embrace yourself where you are currently. You can continue to make small changes in your life over time. There is no rush. When you give yourself grace, you will feel more motivated to make those small strides in different areas of your life. Growth is a process so enjoy where you while you continue to grow.

Conclusion

No one has been harder on myself than me in all areas of my life. Beating myself up did not lead to progress. It only led to more frustration and even more depression in the long term. When you acknowledge your weaknesses without judgement, set boundaries, and focus on what you can control, self-love will begin to take shape. Loving yourself fully will give you a loving heart towards other people.

Refer back to How to Wait Patiently: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-wait-patiently/

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Tags love, self-love, weakness

Self-Help on Life

How to Work Through Daddy Issues in Adulthood

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date October 10, 2023

My parents divorced not long after I was born. When I was 21 years old, my father and I met for the first time that I can remember. I had a few calls with him, but broke off contact not long after this meeting. I had no idea that I had any negative feelings about my father’s absence since I had a stepfather. After years of therapy and personal development, I now know that my father’s absence had affected me in a myraid of ways. If your father was not present, try processing all of your feelings, mourn the family that you did not have, and seek validation from within.

Process Your Feelings

I did not discover that I had issues with my absent father until very recently. You may be completely unaware that you have any feelings at all towards your father. However, acknowledging how you feel about your absent father is necessary to find peace in the future. Process all of your feelings whether it be anger, frustration, or resentment, feel it and process it through journaling or therapy. Once you process those feelings, then you can move toward healing. https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/the-best-ways-to-process-your-negative-feelings/

Mourn the Family that You Did Not Have

Most people have warm and fuzzy feelings when discussing family and past memories. You may feel sad that you missed out on memories and milestones throughout your life with your father. Furthermore, connecting with other family members can be difficult too, especially when everyone in your family had a present father in their lives. Processing the family that you did not have may be a lifelong journey.

Seek Validation from Within

When a parent abandons you, it can affect your self worth. You feel like if you were more valuable, then maybe the parent would have been more present. But a parent leaving has nothing to do with you at all and that can be challenging to believe. You make a habit of constantly seeking validation from other people to fulfill you to overcome low self-esteem. You are worthy! Your existence and presence are precious in this world. Try reading Honoring the Self by Nathaniel Branden:https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/646185.Honoring_the_Self

Conclusion

Recently, I spoke to my father for the first time since I was about 21 years old. Honestly, I still have mixed feelings about having a relationship, but I plan to keep in contact with him since life is short and he is getting older. This may not be the solution for everyone who has an absent father. Processing your feelings, mourning the family that you did not have, and seeking validation within yourself will begin your healing and possible forgiveness toward someone who hurt you deeply.

Hope this helps

Dominique Duarte

Do you have Daddy Issues? How have you processed your feelings? Comment below!

Self-Help on Life

Best Reasons to Move From Your Home Town

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date October 2, 2023

Leaving home is a huge decision for most people. Your family, friends, and memories are in your hometown. Leaving home does not have to be a permanent decision. You can leave for college, or accept a job in another city. You could try to vist different cities or countries for your vacations. Leaving your hometown gives you more perspective about the world, gets you out of your comfort zone, and teaches you more about yourself.

Perspective about the World

Refusing to venture out of your hometown can give you a narrow view of the world. The world is so vast and there is so much to see and do. People have completely different ways of living and when you leave home, you can see those differences up close instead of just watching it on television every once in awhile. It gives your more perspective on what is happening in other parts of our country as well as what is going on in the world.

Gets You Out of Your Comfort Zone

Going to a new place can give you a chance to get out of your daily routine. You can meet new people, learn new customs, and try new foods. These new experiences will give you a sense of confidence in yourself. You tried something that you have never done before and met some new friends who are different from you, congrats! Be proud of yourself for opening yourself up to new horizons. Try Reading The Big Leap: https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/6391876

Teaches You More About Yourself

When you go somewhere new, you can learn what you like, and what you do not like. People may think it is selfish to travel alone or move to a new city by yourself, but it can make you become more aware of your own interests. When we stay home all the time, we already know most of the venues and things to do in our area. Traveling or exploring other U.S. states and countries, you can learn how you operate in a new environment.

Conclusion

For the last seven years, I have lived in NYC on my own. There have been challenges, but I have learned about how people communicate differently, tried foods from many different countries, and developed a level of independence that I never thought was possible. You do not have to leave your hometown permanently if it is not for you, but at least try visiting other states or regions to expose yourself to more diversity and culture.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Wanna Save Money to Move? Refer to How to Save Money On A Low Budget: https://bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-save-money-on-a-low-budget/

Where have you lived and what did you learn about yourself? Comment below!

Self-Help on Life

How to Wait Patiently in Life

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date September 17, 2023
1 Comment on How to Wait Patiently in Life

We live in a microwave society, where everything is quick and instant. We used to get the news once a day and now we receive it every minute. In the past, we would drive to get food and now it can be delivered to our door within minutes. This can lead to frustration when things actually take time. The truth is that anything worth having will take time. So how do you wait patiently? You can live in the moment, enjoy the process, and have a flexible timeline.

Live in the Moment

When we become impatient, we are usually thinking ahead about the next thing that we need to do. When you are constantly thinking about what is next all the time, it can create anxiety. For some this can cause you to take no action at all. For others, this obsession can lead to workaholism.

Be present in the moment. Stay focused on the current task. You might begin to enjoy even the most mundane tasks when you are fully present in the moment. Also, give yourself more time in between tasks or places so you do not have to rush all the time.

Book Suggestion: The Power of Now: https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577311523

Enjoy the Process

Time passes very quickly and before you know it the day, the year, or a decade is over. We all have goals and can feel like failures if we have not reached the goal by a certain time period. We become so hyperfocused on the future that we forget to smell the flowers in the moment. The more you enjoy the process of getting to your goal, the less pressure and anxiety you will feel.

Have a Flexible Timeline

When planning your life, using a timeline can be helpful to create smaller tasks to reach your short and long term goals. A timeline should be a guide for you to accomplish things, but it should also be flexible. The more rigid you are with your timeline, the more stressed and defeated you can become.

A timeline can be a tool, but should not discourage you to the point where you completely give up on a goal. If you do not complete things on your personal timeline, give yourself some grace. The most important thing is to keep taking consistent action toward your goals. When you stop stressing about reaching rigid timelines for your goals, it is amazing how doors will begin to open for you.

Conclusion

Waiting patiently is more difficult now than ever, but when you live in the moment, even the most mundane aspects of life can become joyful. Using your personal timeline as a guide helps you take action on your goals. Lastly, enjoying the process: the good, the challenging, and the in-between, is truly living life. When you wait patiently, all parts of the process will teach you something if you are present enough in the moment to learn it.

Blog Reference: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/in-your-thirties-now-what/

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

How do you wait patiently? Comment Below!

Self-Help on Life

Why Do You Compromise in Your Life?

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date August 21, 2023

Millenials and Gen Z’s have differed greatly from previous generations when it comes to abiding by social norms. These generations are getting homes later, getting married later, and having children later or not at all.

When you color outside the lines of normalcy, it can still be difficult, even in 2023 . Most people are still resistant to anything outside of the norm when it comes to family or career. So why do you compromise? You compromise to please relatives and friends, to fit in with societal norms, and to feel accepted by everyone.

Please Relatives & Friends

People who care the most about you may never fully understand you and this can be hurtful at times. When you have a new idea or goal, you want to share it with those closest to you. But this can often be your first mistake. You share the new idea or goal, and your family and friends cast their doubts and fears onto you.

Now, you will begin to stifle your ideas and goals to please your family and friends over time. I have met people over the years who chose their job or career based on what would please their parents view of success. Some people do eventually change careers when they discovered their true callings. But this process took time and of course their family and friends were the most resistant to their life change.

Fit in With Societal Norms

You learn early that the expectation in society is to pick a sensible job or career, go to trade school or university, get married, have 2.5 children, buy a home, and live happily ever after. We learn this at a young age and we even play house as children with this concept in mind. This is a great dream to have and can be a beautiful blessing, however, it is not everyone’s trajectory in life.

You can feel a bit like an outcast in society if you do not follow this conventional path, especially if you are a woman. There are women and men who want nothing more than to be parents, but there are also people who have children out of societal pressure too. Children and marriage are such a gift, but only if both parties truly want children.

Feel Accepted by Everyone

We feel unaccepted when we encounter people who have conventional careers and jobs. We feel it when people are married and have kids and we do not. It is hard because you feel like people are judging you and labeling you as a failure. You want nothing more than for people to just accept your career and life choices for what they are at the moment.

However, one mistake that we continue to make is informing people about our career and life choices. The best practice is to just take action on your goals, and share the results when you feel comfortable to share. The truth is that people will never understand all of your life choices. You have to accept yourself, and all of your choices for what they are at the moment.

Conclusion

I chose a performance career, which comes with constant unsolicited advice from people who have never set foot on a set or stage, which can get annoying. Honestly, if one more person asks me about my retirement plans, I think I am going to scream bloody murder. Yes, retirement is in the back of my mind, but I chose an unconventional career, so it is a bit complicated.

I chose this life and I do not regret it. People will always have something to say no matter what you do, so just do what you are called to do. Your body, mind, and soul will thank you for it! When you accept yourself for who you are, and where you are in life, you will no longer feel the need compromise to the standards of others.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-do-you-find-your-voice-in-the-world/

https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361

Are you compromising in your life? Why or why not? Comment below

Mental Health

Why Is Therapy Helpful to Everyone?

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date July 9, 2023

Therapy has been a hot topic within the last few years. It is not just for people with mental illness or people going through a crisis. Therapy is a tool to help you discover your behavior patterns and the why behind your behaviors. It can help you find your inner voice and use it effectively in various situations throughout your everyday life.

Discover you Behavior Patterns

Therapy can teach you about your own behavior. It can show you what habits and behaviors are serving you well and it can reveal behaviors that are not serving you well. Therapy can also teach you to give yourself grace and be patient with yourself.

Growing is a process and change can take years. You will not be able to change behaviors overnight because you are human. Once you learn about your behaviors, you can find tools and begin implementing them slowly throughout your daily life to create lasting change over time.

The Why Behind Your Behavior

We all do things consciously and subconsciously without realizing it. There is a reason for all of our behaviors. People make fun of the fact that therapists ask about your childhood, but your childhood frames so much of your behaviors as an adult.

Whatever coping skills you developed during your first 18 years of life, whether positive or negative, will influence the decisions, choices, and actions that you make presently. Unless you process your past and heal, you will continue to behave in ways that do not serve you or others around you. Therapy gives you space to process why you behave the way that you do.

Find Your Inner Voice

Most of us walk around on auto-pilot, with little to no self-awareness. Therapy taught me to spend more time with myself. People fear being alone, but being alone is necessary for true personal growth. We are so distracted with the world around us that we ignore our internal cues.

Spending time in silence can give you a chance to become more aware of what is going on inside of you. You can tune out all of the other voices that you hear in your head. We are often so focused on what everyone else thinks about us that we have no idea what we think of ourselves or the world around us.

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-overcome-anxiety/

Conclusion

Therapy sessions can be used in the short-term or the long term, but it can benefit you either way. If you need time to find the right therapist, take the time to find the one that fits the best for you. If you cannot afford therapy, try reading personal development books, journaling, or find time to spend alone to process your thoughts and feelings.

Therapy can be the catalyst for overall personal growth, but most of the work you will do is outside of therapy. Healing can be a lifelong process. But if you begin doing the work on yourself now, your eyes will be opened to a whole new world.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Book Suggestion: Happiness Returns: The Self Help and Self Compassion Workbook: https://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Returns-Compassion-Techniques-Self-Acceptance-ebook/dp/B0CJ3B7KL1

Do you think therapy is necessary? Why or why not? Comment below!

New York City Life

What Do We Love and Hate about NYC?

Post author By dominiquelduarte
Post date July 2, 2023

After living in NYC, I have learned that people either love it or hate it here. There is rarely ever a neutral take from native New Yorkers or transplants from other states or countries. There are always plenty of jobs, tons of walking for exercise, and you can travel anywhere, anytime of day or night. The down side is New Yorkers are always working, which can lead to loneliness at times, the food is tempting and cancels out the walking, and rent is very high.

Pro: Jobs Are Abundant

Jobs are abundant in NYC! You can do jobs that you never knew existed. You can work at the Waldorf, Disney Store, Yankee Stadium, Jazz at Lincoln Center, Javits Center, Lincoln Center, Barclays Center, Madison Square Garden, Apollo Theatre, Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. The list never ends! You want a job or career, you can find it within a matter of weeks, just use Indeed.com. Whatever your career or job of choice, you can and will find it here.

Best Job Search Website: https://www.indeed.com/

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/the-best-ways-to-find-a-job/

Con: New Yorkers are Workaholics/ Loneliness

Since there are some many jobs and the cost of living is high, most people are working mulitple jobs or working overtime at their full-time jobs to sustain a living. Socializing and making friends can be challenging. People are always busy and coordinating schedules is difficult.

Even if you have several friends, you will rarely see them. In order to spend time with friends, you have to be very intentional about making plans with people. You can try joining an organization that interests you to socialize more. You can go out with friends from work, or use meetup.com to find your tribe.

Pro: Built in Excercise Routine: Walking

You will walk all day everyday, run after busses and trains, go up and down several subway steps daily. Even if you have a car, you will be parking extremely far from your home or job. You will need to have comfortable shoes. You will wear down every pair that you own within a matter of weeks.

Walking is my form of daily exercise and if you live here, it becomes a part of you daily routine as well. NYC has nice scenery and can be quiet in most neighborhoods, if you are not in Times Square or certain parts of Manahttan. The sirens can be loud sometimes, but you will hear live music often while walking down the street, which is pretty cool.

Con: FOOD, FOOD, FOOD

This is a bit of a pro/con. There is food on every corner in food trucks, bodegas (local grocery shops), grocery stores, ice cream shops, restaurants with food from all around the world. This a what makes NYC unique, the variety of food choices.

However, overeating and overspending is super easy with so many food choices. The abundance of food may interfere with the built in exercise routine of walking everywhere. Cooking at home will save you money and help your waistline too. So plan your meals accordingly and pack a lunchbox!

Pro: You Don’t Need a Car

NYC is one of the only cities that you can get around 24/7 without having a car. I sold my car almost 7 years ago and I have not driven since. You can get a monthly subway/bus pass for $127 a month and get wherever, whenever you want. You will need to give yourself plenty of travel time to get to your destination because the trains and busses are not very timely. But, you save so much money by not having a car. There will be no more car insurance, car payments, and you will not have to worry about high gas prices anymore.

Con: Affordable Housing is ‘No Bueno’

Get ready to throw the money you saved on not having car to your new NYC apartment. Wooohoo! You have more money to pay the rent now so it all evens out. Manhattan is way more expensive than Brooklyn, Queens and the Bronx, so I never looked for housing in Manhattan. I found affordable housing through Facebook markeptlace and Roomster.com.

You can search for rooms and go visit the apartments to see if you like the room. Bring a friend to be safe if you want. Discuss the deposit, broker’s fee, 1st month’s rent with the landlord, give them the money and move in as soon as possible. Be ready to put quite a bit of money down on an apartment. It is usually around $1500-3000 down, but this is about how much money you would put down on a new car anyway. You win some, you lose some.

Conclusion

High Rent and workaholism scares many people from NYC. However, NYC has so much to offer as well. You win some, you lose some! If you want to buy a home and have a family, this would not be the ideal place to live. However, if you are single or a couple with no children who doesn’t mind a minimialist lifestyle, this is the place for you.

You will not have the luxuries of elevators, washers and dryers in your apartment and large closets or even central heating and air, but you learn how to live with less, which can be a blessing in its’ own way.

Rent is high, but the jobs pay well and the opportunties for jobs are out of this world. You will find foods from around the world and you can walk around your neighborhood or a park and see gorgeous scenery. You can find friends here. Native New Yorkers are the most genuine people that I have ever met. Lastly, NYC is not for everyone and for some it is only good for a season in their life, but NYC is my home and currently I love it here, the pros and cons!

Hope this helps!

Dominique Duarte

What do you Love or Hate about NYC? Comment below!