By Dominique Duarte

Reaching your thirties can be quite a miletsone. Easily embraced by some, feared by others, but life changing for everyone. I have learned that comparing yourself to others is counterproductive to personal growth. Health insurance is necessary for life at this point, and you will not know all the answers. I have been in my thirties since November 2020, and this is what I have learned so far!

Comparing Yourself to Others is ‘No Bueno’

Social Media may have made this more of an issue for most of us because we see the pictures, and the posts and we think “why am I the only one who doesn’t have my life together?” I have thought it often and I wonder if there was no social media, would I be thinking so much about what others are doing.

Comparing Yourself to others is ‘no bueno’! It takes away from your unique journey and puts other people’s lives on a pedastal. No one has a perfect life and we all have our own struggles so be okay with your journey in life and do not be attached to a time limit. Everyone has their time to shine and your day will come, just work hard and be patient. YOU GOT THIS!

Health Insurance is Essential at This Point

Health Insurance may have felt more optional in your twenties because most twenty-somethings are generally in great health. Of course there are exceptions to this for sure. However, once you reach your thirties your body is going to change and even the smallest health issues will begin to show up.

Having health insurance will make things easier if you have to go to the doctor for any reason. The insurance cuts the cost of any doctor visit, surgery, or medication. It also keeps you from avoiding the doctor and making the problem worse by not seeking medical help in a timely manner. Taking care of yourself in your thirties is a great time to start taking your health more seriously if you have not already been doing this.

You Will Not Know All the Answers

This can be a hard pill to swallow, especially if you are a perfectionist. You feel as if you must know everything to be successful in life. It is okay to not know everything. Life is about continuing to learn about yourself, other people, and the world around you.

If you believe in having faith, true faith is not always knowing the final outcome of every situation. Plans and goals are important, but continue to be open to changes as well. I used to think that I needed to know everything to prove my worth to others, and still struggle with this at times. Give yourself grace!

Conclusion

Your thirties are here! Congrats and enjoy these years! We all know that our twenties came and went quite quickly so cherish your thirites. When you make sure you have health insurance, know that you will not know all the answers to everything, and stop comparing yourself to other people, you will learn to love and appreciate the amazingly unique journey that you are on and embrace it fully, even on the challenging days.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Book Suggestion: Reinventing your Life:https://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthrough-Negative/dp/0452272041

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-wait-patiently/

One of the hardest things about becoming an adult has been the persistent feeling of loneliness. When you are a child, teen, or young adult, making friends is easier throughout primary school and college. However, once you graduate college, it becomes more difficult to make friends in adulthood. People get married, begin careers and jobs and have families, so making time for friends takes more of an effort for sure. Here are some of the things that I have tried to help make and keep friends throughout my time in NYC.

Maintain Old Friendships

Keeping and maintaining friendships is the best place to start. Instead of trying to make a bunch of new friends, try maintaining and rekindling some old friendships. Think about all of the people who have come into your life and figure out who brought positivity into your life when you were in their presence. Ask yourself “Who brings joy?” “Who do I have or could have a frientimacy with?” According to Shasta Nelson, CEO of GirlFriendCircles.com, a frientimacy includes positivity, vulnerability, and consistency.

Write down everyone in your contact list and figure out whether you have these three elements with your current contacts. Consistency was lacking with most of the contacts in my phone, so, I began texting one person a day to check in or send a positive message. Writing “Text 1 person” in the planner has helped me remain consistent with this habit for over a year now. We all get busy, but making time for friends has to be intentional and it starts with you.

Shasta Nelson discusses “Frientimacy” in the video below. Enjoy! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmJyWreER7A

Find a Community

Finding a community is more challenging now than it was back in the day for all of us. Social media has made us more disconnected than ever. Finding a community was always the most difficult for me, even in school. I never really had a group of friends until I went to college, and gained some friends as an adult through musical productions over the years.

Try to get involved in a church, or any organzation that interests you, or find co-workers or people who have things in common with you. There are communities out there, but you have to take the first step if you want to socialize more. People will not come visit you in your room at home, so push yourself out of your comfort zone.

Church has given me a community in Memphis and even in NYC. However, it takes time to build intimate connections, even at church, so be patient. Reach out to people and even though not everyone will take the bait, the people who are meant to be in your life will, so just give it time.

Work on Your Personal Growth

Examine yourself and always work toward self-improvement. Yes, accept yourself for who you are at the moment, but also challenge yourself to work on unhealthy coping mechanisms, and work toward healthy communication. This is not easy work, but it is worth it and it will be continuous.

Friendships gives you practice to work on improving your communication skills. Sometimes, you will have tough conversations with friends. In order to have intimacy in a friendship, there has to be transparency by both parties. Therapy is a great way to work on yourself as well as journaling. Therapy is not just for people with big problems, it is for people to become self-aware. You have to be a friend to keep a friend. So learn to be the best you that you can be.

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/best-books-to-begin-personal-development/

Conclusion

Maintaining old friendships, finding a community, and working on your personal growth can help increase friendship in your life if that is what you desire. Also, try to meet up with a friend once a week or once a month. Consistency does mean something different to everyone so figure out what consistency means to you.

Find out what consistency means to each of your friends as well. You can make friends and keep friends, just put in a little effort. Lastly, sometimes people will not reciprocate, but do not get discouraged. If you reach out to multiple people those you want to be your friend will reach out eventually, just be patient and give people grace.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

Walking in your purpose can be overwhelming, especially if you have not seen the fruit of your labor in the way you would like. Some people are still not sure about their purpose at all and that is okay. Just be patient and kind with yourself until you figure it out. If you do know your purpose, this post is mostly for you. You can do the following things to walk in your purpose with confidence no matter your current circumstances.

Book Suggestion: https://www.amazon.com/Genius-Zone-Breakthrough-Negative-Creativity/dp/B08PW4QGD5

Relevant: https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-wait-patiently/

Persevere

When you are walking in your purpose, you will be knocked down. Some people think that if you are truly walking in your purpose that doors will just open and there will be no adversity at all. However, this is not the case. No matter what you do in life, there will be some level of adversity. If you know that you are walking in your purpose, then you have to persevere through the trials. Sometimes, you will fail multiple times, but please keep going on your journey. You got this!

Feel All of Your Feelings

“If you are knocked down, don’t stay down, get back up.” You probably hear this saying all the time and many interpret that as feel nothing along the way to getting back up. You will feel anger, sadness, joy, happiness, frustration and possibly some depression when walking in your purpose. Feeling your feelings is not a problem as long as you do not hurt anyone in the process. Instead of using food, drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes to numb your feelings, actually feel and process them. This will take time. Processing your emotions will give you the momentum to keep walking in your purpose.

Be Patient & Grateful

God works in His own timing or the universe works in its’ own timing, whichever you believe. However, it is challenging to believe this when waiting for your own ship to come in. Celebrate the small wins, ALL of them and be grateful for every single one. If you are grateful for the little things, then you will have a more positive outlook on your situation, even during the difficult periods.

The wins may be far and in between at times, but it is a part of the process. When God or the universe feels you are ready for more, He or it will open more doors, but every step that you take is preparing you for the bigger picture in the future. Be patient with yourself and know that you are worthy of greatness, and only you are meant to walk this particular path, so be diligent and grateful along the journey no matter how long it takes.

Conclusion

Persevere, feel all your feelings, be patient and grateful and you will continue to walk in your purpose with joy in your heart. Success is not immediate and it may not ever look the way you or other people thought that it would, but when your life has purpose, it is truly beautiful and worth all of the difficulties along the way.

Hope this Helps,

Dominique Duarte

I just turned 33 last week and have been single my entire adolescence and adult life. There are times that it can be overwhelming to: track finances, pay the bills, make constant career decisions, submit for auditions and self-tapes, work, cook, grocery shop, work on my mental health and personal growth, do laundry, and handle life in general on my own. Living single is not for the faint of heart, but you can do it, if this is your situation. Here are some things that can ease the load of living single:

Write Everything Down

A journal, a planner, and to do list pads can be a single person’s best friends. The planner keeps track of everything that I have to do throughout the day, week, and year. Write down everything: appointments, work times, laundry days, workouts, tax time, even meals. This can give you a routine as well as keep track of various important dates and times.

Write consistent to-do lists and scratch off things as you go. It can give you a feeling of accomplishment to just get even the smallest things completed. Lastly, try keeping a journal to write your feelings and thoughts. Living alone can bring its own set of challenges, so journaling can be a constructive way to deal with those difficulties.

Reach Out to People

Yes, living single can be lonely, but you can reach out to people regularly. Most people will not reach out to you due to a multitude of valid reasons. I have learned that I have to reach out to people if I want a relationship, even a casual one. People love to get text messages that just ask how they are doing. Try texting at least one person a day!

Call and leave a fun voice message and make their day. For socializing, try to invite friends out a few times a month or find a meetup if you do not know anyone. You could also volunteer at a soup kitchen, or join a church, or organization. Find and create a small community so that you do not feel so isolated. You can also use dating apps to meet new people as well.

Limit Social Media

This can be a hard one. Social media can be a great tool for engaging with family and friends. However, I have taken a few breaks from Facebook over the years because I would often compare my life to other people’s lives. I want everyone to be successful and have all the happiness in the world.

But sometimes it is hard to see everyone else thrive when you are going through life with very little emotional support. If you limit social media, you can be more productive with other things, but most importantly, you will protect your mental health.

Cherish Your Time Alone

Being alone can be a blessing in its’ own way! It gives you time to be still, and just sit in silence. People do not often get time alone, so treasure the time you have right now. Learn about yourself, read personal development books, take walks, go to the movies, or take yourself out to dinner and a show.

Take a trip on your own and have fun by yourself. I think people are afraid of being alone, but it can give you a chance to be fully present with yourself and God. You will find your inner voice and learn how to listen to it without the noise of outside influences.

Conclusion

Living single in NYC has brought trials, but it has created so much personal growth as well. Writing everything down, reaching out to people, limiting social media, and cherishing my time alone have eased the burden of living single. Being alone can be a gift. Currently, I am gaining a stronger sense of myself and my identity. If you know who you are and whose you are, you can show up in the world as the best version of yourself.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/why-we-should-go-to-therapy/

Book Suggestion: https://5lovelanguages.com/store/the-5-love-languages-singles-edition

How do you Manage Life as a Single Person? Comment Below!

Saving money can be difficult to say the least. When I wanted to save, I always wanted to put a big chunk of money in my savings. Due to my adult financial situation, those moments when I had a big chunk of money were infrequent. If you make a low amonut of money, here are some tips on how to save on a budget. In case of an emergency, it is best to save at least 5,000 dollars.

Put a Small Amount in Savings

Time passes so quickly and before you know it, 5 years have passed and you still have nothing in your savings. If you make a low income try putting 5 dollars, 10, dollars, or 20 dollars per paycheck into your savings consistently. This will add up gradually overtime. It is a small amount, but it is better than not saving anything at all year after year.

Track Your Spending

Adding up all of your bills is necessary so that you know how much is coming out of your account every month. Take a look at your bank statements and see where your money going. Ask yourself: “Is there anything that I can cut out of my monthly outcome?” Create a budget by writing out every single bill and what time of the month the bill comes out.

Then figure out how much you want to spend on food, tolietries, etc. For food and tolietries, etc, try using cash instead of a debit card. Seeing the money physically may help you stick to your budget better than constantly swiping your debit card.

Increase Your Income

You can get another job specifically to save money. The money from this job will only go into your savings account. You could also consider getting a higher paying full-time job. Research and apply, apply, apply. Remember that you have to apply for 50 to 100 jobs or more to get new employment. Indeed.com is an amazing resource for applying for jobs.

I have had so many jobs in my adult life and it takes several applications and interviews to gain employment. Research, research, research. Think outside of the box! There were jobs available that I had never even thought of applying for such as ushering at Jazz at Lincoln Center or catering at a temp agency. Consider side hustles like network marketing, blogging, teaching online, creating a youtube channel, working at a store or restaurant on weekends only.

Best Job Search Site: https://www.indeed.com/

https://bydominiqueduarte.com/the-best-ways-to-find-a-job/

Conclusion

You can save money! I believe in you! Put away a small amount in your savings per paycheck, track your monthly spending, consider increasing your income by getting a higher paying full-time job or getting a side hustle specifically for savings.

Saving has been a journey for me for sure. However, when your savings account increases, your stress can decrease. Emergencies happen and you want to be prepared financially when those moments come up in your life. Be Prepared!

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

How do you save money? Comment below!

In society, it is expected that you are established in your career, started a family, bought a home by 30. Here’s the thing, life does not go the way you think it will. I thought I would be an established actor on Broadway or an opera singer at the MET at this point in my life.

Life is unpredictable and I am a late bloomer in all areas of life. There is nothing wrong with being a late bloomer in your life. Life happens, so embrace your current life, count your blessings, know your why and narrow your focus to bloom into who you were meant to be in this world.

Embrace Your Current Life

It is not uncommon to gain traction in your career later in life. I wish this was emphasized more in American society. Most people do not have everything together by 30. Do not compare your chapter in life with the chapter of other people. This is easier said than done, especially with social media. Remember that we all have unique paths and journeys. There is a reason why you are where you are right now. Embrace where you are now and keep going.

Count Your Blessings

You can always improve your life, but be content where you are too. Embrace your current life and count your blessings. For example, today I remembered that I have lived in NYC for six years, and I have always had food to eat and a decent place to live. This is a blessing. Secondly, I am booking consistent acting work for the first time since I left Tennessee.

One of my goals this year was to get a survival job that pays the bills and gives me time to build my craft. This goal was manifested through Backstage, a site for acting jobs. My catering job came from that website in June and I am super grateful to God for it. Catering is flexible, amazing pay, and perfect for an actor. Find blessings in the small things in your life on the days when you feel weighed down by your current life.

Backstage: https://www.backstage.com/u/dominique-duarte/

Remember Your Why

It is so easy to get distracted and forget your dreams and goals. I have met several actors, musicians, and performers in NYC, but many of them are not actively auditioning so they are not booking work. Unfortunately, I became this person too.

People move here and become so preoccupied with working and surviving, that they no longer have adequate time to audition. Actors are unsuccessful because they quit auditioning. Remember your why! If you forget your why, you will lose focus and get distracted with jobs and hustles that have nothing to do with your dreams and goals. Write down your why and keep it close to you at all times.

Narrow Your Focus

Once you know your why, keep it simple. In the past, I would write sixteen to twenty yearly goals almost every year and post it on my wall. This was way too many, at least for me. I am going to focus my energy on four things for the next year. If you focus your energy in fewer areas then, you will not spread yourself too thin. Find a balance by narrowing your focus on a few things and be consistent with those few things to create permanent life changes.

Book Suggestion: https://www.amazon.com/Big-Leap-Conquer-Hidden-Level/dp/0061735361

Conclusion

Embrace your current life by counting your blessings and taking ownership of your personal growth. Remember your why and narrow your focus to conserve your energy to accomplish your dreams and goals. You will have a strong sense of yourself when you walk in your purpose and this will radiate light in the lives of others as well.

Furthermore, since you did take longer to become successful in your career, you will be more present and less likely to take opportunties for granted. Late-bloomer just means that your journey to success will take a little longer, but this gives you time to mature and become the best you that you can be.

Hope this helps,

Dominique Duarte

https://www.bydominiqueduarte.com/how-to-encourage-yourself/